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Fox News Guy Doesn’t Understand All The Ruckus About The Number 69

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The AP reported via twitter that after 69 hours, the government shutdown had finally come to an end. Of course, the internet rained down a barrage of “Nice,” “Noice,” and “Nooicee.” It’s standard operating procedure when faced with the innocent use of the number 69. Apparently Christopher J. Hale (no relation that I know of) of Fox News and Time didn’t get it. Instead of doing the rational thing and asking a close friend in order to contain the embarrassment, he made a terrible mistake. He asked the internet. Via Twitter. In 2018.

The tweet on its own is comical. The flood of responses is hilarious. Here are a few of my favorites.

Mad props for being the director of “Catholics in Alliance for the Common Good” and also referring to someone and their comment as “dochey.” Don’t take any guff from these swine!

Here, good guy Brad tries to lend a helping hand with explaining the nature of 69. He also throws in a little bonus knowledge on how 420 is “a weed number.” Christopher responds with “hey guys, I know memes. Look at these memes I know. These are three memes. If I didn’t know memes would I know the three memes I just named? Case closed.”

This, in my opinion, was the pinnacle of trolling. Subtle, meta, well crafted.

And of course there were plenty of Gifs to express what words alone could not.

I really enjoyed the way this played out, but in an ideal world, the cultural significance of the number 69 would have been explained to Christopher by the Ambassador of 69 himself. I visualize Rob Gronkowski reading this tweet like the bat signal and springing into action. I see him tearing off his jersey mid-practice to reveal a spandex onesie adorned with a giant 69. Bill Belichick’s mouth agape as Gronk screams “No time to explain! They need me!” Christopher J. Hale is eating his packed lunch on the steps of the Lincoln Memorial when suddenly a large figure blocks out the sun. Through clenched teeth, Gronk snarls “69 means two mouths down south.” He walks away without further explanation.

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Mike Hale

"Just remember, we are all boys grown tall." -Supreme Court Justice Hugo Black

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