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If you’ve seen the movie Neighbors, you will recall a scene towards the end of the film where Zac Effron’s character, Teddy Sanders, begins drunkenly hurling household furniture out into the street while yelling, “Throw shit off the porch!”
Today, I learned that this climactic scene in the 2014 motion picture is actually based on real-life events! Specifically, a story involving former Toronto Maples Leafs player and proud owner of the greatest name in professional sports, Matt Frattin.
The year is 2009, and oh what a time it is to be alive. That nice young lady from Disney Channel, you know, the really wholesome one who will probably never do anything even remotely scandalous, has the number one song in America. “Party in the USAAA,” screams drunk sorority girls at parties as they grip and sip that heart attack in a can that is the OG Four Loko (legalize it!). Freshman chicks eagerly check their newly minted iPhone 3Gs to see if Logan from Lambda Chi has poked them back on Facebook. It was a simpler time.
This same year, Matt Frattin was a 21-year-old junior at the University of North Dakota. And on Monday, August 3rd, he was arrested, fined, and sentenced to 10 days in jail for – you guessed it – throwing shit off of the porch. Classic Frattin!
From the Grand Forks Herald:
A UND hockey player pleaded guilty Monday to disorderly conduct for throwing dinnerware, a kitchen table and a red lawnmower onto a Grand Forks street.
Judge Sonja Clapp of state District Court ordered Matt Frattin, 21, to pay $225 in fines. The judge also gave Frattin a sentence of 10 days suspended for a year, which he’s to serve on unsupervised probation.
An officer reported that, when approached, Frattin ran inside a house despite being repeatedly told to stop. He was consequently charged with fleeing. That charge was dropped as part of a plea agreement between the prosecution and Frattin, who represented himself in court Monday.
The good news here for Matt is that the charge of “disorderly conduct” is pretty ambiguous. It’s kind of like the phrases “business casual” or “Crudités.” It leaves a lot of room for interpretation. It’s better to have a criminal record that says “disorderly conduct” than “furniture smashing tirade.”
Ten days of lockup and a couple hundo in fines? Well worth the drunken rampage. You’d Gronk-spike a couple of lawnmowers too if you had to go to college in North Dakota. What else is there to do? And how about the balls on this man repping himself in court? No thanks, Dad. Save the lawyer for your extramarital affairs and insider trading allegations. I’ve got this one covered.
In 2009, there were just fewer rules and fewer scandals. I often catch myself daydreaming about being a college student back when Jimmy Tatro was pumping out “Frat Life” videos instead of (allegedly) spray painting dicks on Netflix.
What I wouldn’t give to be 20 years old back when having fun didn’t mean risking an unflattering appearance on the cover page of the Huffington Post or Rolling Stone.
This story about a male Division 1 college athlete trashing an entire neighborhood barely made the local North Dakota news. Evidently, the American standard for what constitutes a scandal has undergone a significant drop in the past nine years. North Dakotans just happen to take their hockey super seriously. So, this incident was a semi big deal to them.
Matt Frattin has since grown up from his college days of destructive debauchery. He enjoyed a moderately successful career as an NHL hockey player. He now plays professionally in Switzerland. I assume to be closer to his bank accounts. Smart play, Matt.
Now excuse me while I go ahead and purchase a throwback Frattin jersey to wear at my next day rager.
Aside from having an absolutely fire name, Matt Frattin clearly knew how to have fun back in his heyday, and I for one support that. Anyone who would toss an entire dinning room table out of their home, and into the street, is definitely someone I would crush some OG Four Lokos with. Preferably at their place..
[via Grand Forks Herald]