======= ======= ====== ====== ====== ===== ==== ====== ====== ===== ==== ======= ======= ====== ====== ====== ===== ==== ====== ====== ===== ====
Just to clarify, saying you’re in a fraternity because you’re a part of some Internet group is like saying you’re a football player since you play fantasy football. It’s like saying you’re a porn star because you jack off on Chat Roulette; people don’t buy it, trust me.
I read that as: “According to its faculty adviser, Theta Omega Gamma is an average fraternity in all respects minus ‘all respects.’” Forget the drinking part for a second and try and realize that there are people who meet on World of Warcraft who go out together. There’s more of a bond between virgins who fight Internet dragons than there is in this “fraternity.” When your fraternity has less human interaction than a Craigslist Missed Connections page then you probably shouldn’t call yourself a brotherhood.
This whole thing sounds like a terrible sequel to the movie “Accepted.” I’ve already got a tagline: “When the Greek System didn’t give them a bid, they bid the Greek System adieu.” Starring some fucking hipster actor and Kristen Stewart.
Here’s the climactic monologue delivered in front of the fascist campus Greek Council.
Kristen Stewart: I mean like, (*bites lip*) who are you to say what sisterhood or brotherhood is, okay? Like, (*gets frustrated , runs hand through hair*) we are who we are. So… so, like, so what if we don’t have a house and have never met each other in person until just now. (*bites lip again, looks at hipster actor*) We care about each other. And that… that’s what being in a fraternity means to me.
Greek Council President: (*bangs gavel*) APPROVED!
Kristen Stewart: (*can’t decided whether to gasp or smile, gets awkwardly stuck in between, runs both hands through hair*)
If the Internet didn’t pay me money and offer endless hours of entertainment (porn), I’d hate it.
Follow me on Twitter @BaconTFM