Clear hearts, full gator, can’t lose. That seems to be Florida’s motto heading into its matchup against Texas A&M on Saturday, during which the Gators will debut one-time alligator-themed alternate uniforms. Uniforms that seemingly came about after, through a cloud of cigar smoke, some Nike exec excitedly bellowed — to no one in particular — “Scales, my dear boy! Give them scales!”
For Saturday’s football game against Texas A&M, Florida will wear a new uniform designed to evoke the look and feel of an alligator. The uniform, which was under development for two years and was unveiled Monday night, features a “swamp green” jersey with an alligator-skin pattern. The helmet, pants and socks are rendered in the same color, but without the gator-skin treatment.
Never mind that suspensions and injuries have basically rendered Florida into a shell of a team. You’ve got to fake it ’til you make it, right? And nothing at least gives the appearance of eliteness quite like a full-on alligator suit.
Just kidding; these uniforms are fucking atrocious. The only thing more ridiculous than the unis themselves is Florida’s six-second promo video. In case you didn’t get what vibe they were going for, they decided to throw in a swamp backdrop, a picture of an alligator, and some gnarly gator growls for added effect.
It didn’t take long before these alternates were absolutely roasted on Twitter.
Going all alligator everything is the biggest controversy to hit Florida football since not-Jim McElwain got butt-ass naked and essentially took a dead shark to pound town. And like that poor shark carcass, the Gators, coming off a loss against a struggling LSU team and facing a confident A&M team that could’ve taken down Bama, are essentially fucked this Saturday..
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