There’s never really a great time for your Herpes Simplex Type 1 to come roaring to life in the form of a gaping hell-pit of a sore, but right before you have to spend the evening on national TV is probably one of the worst. Such was life for Florida coach Billy Donovan last night as his Gators hosted the Missouri Tigers on ESPN, right in the heart of primetime. As you can see from the screenshots below as well as the cover photo above, the thing was a monster.
That doesn’t look like a typical cold sore flare up. That looks like some sort of physical embodiment of herpes literally rose to life out of a bubbling pool of filth in a Florida public restroom and punched Billy Donovan in the jaw, leaving that wound.
Obviously some readers, knowing about my Missouri fandom, might be inclined to call me a sore (lololololololol HERPES WORDPLAY) loser, as Mizzou lost to the Gators last night. However, the truth is that if I were to suspect anyone to have a monster cold sore problem, it would be former Miami and current Missouri coach Frank Haith, because I assume anyone who has shaken former Miami booster and stripper abortionist Nevin Shapiro’s hand is tainted in some disgusting way.
Regardless of whether or not his mouth looked like an Atlantic City prostitute’s vagina, Billy Donovan is looking pretty good right now (figuratively speaking, obviously). His Gators are ranked third in the AP and the number of SEC conference games they’ve lost closely resembles that round, oozing monstrosity eating away at his face: zero.
So, clearly, this sore wasn’t stress induced.
Photos via ESPN