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FIJI Party Bus Shut Down For Excessive Amounts Of Bodily Fluids

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Last week, Chapman University’s Phi Gamma Delta, otherwise known as NAMBLA, held their annual FIJI Islander party at a local Fox Theater. Things ended poorly.

“The busing companies ended their services early due to excessive amounts of hazardous waste (vomit, urine, and fecal matter) found all over the inside of each bus,” (FIJI President Ben) Sornsen wrote in an email to attendees. “In the end, our cleaning crews could not sterilize the hazardous waste efficiently enough to please the drivers.”

It’s not every day where you see an entire date function try to create the worst GREATEST sequel to Speed ever imagined. “If this bus doesn’t maintain an increase in bodily fluids, a bomb will go off.” Keanu would be all over that.

Why, God, why?

You’re all monsters, every last one of you.

[via The Panther]

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J Parks Caldwell

J. Parks Caldwell is a senior contributing writer for Total Frat Move, Rowdy Gentleman, and Post Grad Problems. He frequently blesses the rains down in Africa.

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