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FIFA’s Movie Debut Earned A Whopping $607 During Opening Weekend

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It’s been a rough week for the boys over at FIFA. Allegations of corruption and idiots citing The Onion have taken the news feeds captive, but FIFA quietly released a movie this weekend in ten theaters across the nation. The film, “United Passions,” cost the association a little over $26 million to produce, and if its first weekend is any indication, the shit stream isn’t drying up any time soon for Blatter and crew.

The IMDP synopsis of the movie is short and sweet.

Follows the passing of the FIFA baton through three association presidents: Jules Rimet, Joao Havelange, and Sepp Blatter.

The trailer isn’t too shabby, either.

Despite its appearance as a decent production, critics have slaughtered the film.

Even without the current headlines, United Passions is a disgrace. It’s less a movie than preposterous self-hagiography, more appropriate for Scientology or the Rev Sun Myung Moon. As cinema it is excrement. As proof of corporate insanity it is a valuable case study. – Jordan Hoffman, The Guardian

Whether you love or hate football, you will know about FIFA at the moment. I fall into the former category, so as I watched this, I made sure to view it as out of context as possible, making sure to judge the film on its script, plot, acting, cinematography and soundtrack; and not as a lover of football.

It was terrible. – Dan Gee, ScreenRelish

As I stated above, ten theaters in the United States played the film this past weekend. It can’t be that hard to make a little money. Put a film in a few big cities and watch the ticket revenue flow, right? Well, even billions of dollars in the bank can’t turn a certain flop into a tolerable production. Together, those ten theaters managed to rake in a total of $607 in ticket revenue. Six-hundred and seven measly dollars are the result of $26 million and the backing of one of the most powerful organizations in the world. Blatter wipes his ass with that kind of cash.

One theater in Phoenix was hit especially hard and only managed to sell exactly one ticket, netting them a nice $9.

Great job once again, FIFA. Keep showing us how it’s done.

[via CNN, IMDB, The Guardian, ScreenRelish]

Image via YouTube

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Bogey Wells

Bogey Wells is a Senior Freelance Writer for TFM News and a former summer pledge intern at TFMHQ. His Spotify playlists are pure garbage. Email:

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