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Feminism For Bros Makes The Most Awkward, Cringeworthy Sex Ed Video Ever

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Feminism For Bros seems to have a noble purpose, as it is trying to make feminism palpable for dudes who enjoy being dudes. Or at least that’s what one would assume, that terrible, awful, eye-rolling title for their series aside. The topic of what appears to be its fifth video (I cannot and will not watch the rest of them) is how to make consent sexy. “Consent isn’t just a necessary part of not being a creep–it can also be sexy, dirty, hot, and just straight up,” says the video. Straight up what?! “Straight up” isn’t a fucking adjective, Feminism For Bros. Oh, and by the way, the version of consent as portrayed by you is in no way any of those things.

Watch this video. Have eye bleach ready.

I cannot put into words how difficult that was to finish. That might be the single longest viewing experience I’ve ever had, and I’ve seen the director’s cut of “Gods and Generals.” I genuinely want to know if these people are serious. When I first watched the link, I thought it was a sketch for the first third of the video. When the jokes never came, my asshole began to tighten slowly to the point of critical mass.

Look, I get that sexual assault is a real issue and that the question of what constitutes consent is something that’s particularly problematic for people in their twenties, but THIS is the fucking answer? This seems to be just more fodder for the culture of fear we’ve started to build around sex. Does any woman really want this? For some lapdog dude who looks up with begging eyes, pleading for permission to kiss her on the neck?

You know what? I wish I was gay. If being gay was actually a choice, this video would have turned me. I honestly hope I’m missing something here. Like we’re going to find out next week that this video is fake and they were trolling us the whole time. I welcome being embarrassed for falling for it, because that level of shame is preferable by a factor of about a billion to living in a world in which foreplay turns into an activity that requires a notarized signature and a permission slip from your parents.

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Sterling Cooper

Sterling Cooper is a contributing writer for Total Frat Move and Post Grad Problems. He has never understood why people like sand, and has been in a bitter ten year rivalry with Muggsy Bogues, for reasons neither of them choose to reveal.

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