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Welcome to our newest installment of “Really? THAT’s Hazing Now?” I’m your host, Chim Richalds. The University of New Mexico’s female soccer team is under fire for some super serious allegations of hazing actions, including…kissing butts.
You heard me right. According to a report, underclassmen were blindfolded and taken to a party where they were “sprayed with a warm soapy liquid, forced to put on silly outfits and told to kiss the butts of upperclassmen. Investigators said they performed inappropriate gestures with hot dogs.” Inappropriate gestures? Good Lord, it’s a miracle they survived!
Thankfully, the writer covering the story made sure to get some opinions from the student body. “There’s that crossing of the line between something that’s completely degrading and a little bit of hazing,” claimed sophomore Zachary Cooper, who probably spends more time jerking his wiener and playing the shitty story campaign of Destiny than he does thinking of insightful things to say.
One of the girls was taken to the hospital later by her roommate due to concern that she might have alcohol poisoning. There is nothing in the report to suggest that the girls being hazed were in any way forced to consume alcohol, which is literally the only thing in question that could be considered legitimately concerning.
Be careful out there, guys. We’ve now learned that warm liquid, silly outfits, butt kisses, and hot dog masturbating are charter-endangering activities. Have fun..
Image via New Mexico Women’s Soccer