Female Kicker Performs As Expected At NFL Combine, Humiliates Herself

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No, the headline is not a misprint. Yes, there are women trying out for the NFL.

No, I cannot wrap my head around this either, but yes, Lauren Silberman did deserve the warranted embarrassment she brought upon herself this past Sunday.

No, there’s not an ice cube’s chance in hell a woman could ever make an NFL team, and yes, this was reinforced when Miss Silberman’s publicity stunt saw her average a godforsaken 16-yards per kick, during her two attempts to boot the ole pigskin in front of NFL scouts at the New York Jets’ training facility.

From CBS News:

They certainly didn’t go as far as they were in practices,” Silberman said, “but I tried to work through the pain.”

The 28-year-old Silberman said she hurt her quadriceps while preparing for the tryout earlier in the week, and attributed her struggles to that.

“I tried staying off it and waited for today,” she said. “I didn’t even take kicks in warm-ups, and, it’s pretty hard to know that you’ll be in pain, and I wanted to work through it and I certainly tried to, but I just couldn’t do it today.”

Silberman, a former club soccer player at Wisconsin and ex-graduate student at MIT, appeared frustrated she couldn’t complete her tryout.

“I’ve always been an athlete, and I’ve always been a gamer,” she said while fighting back tears. “When I had the opportunity to be in the NFL, one of the world’s most competitive leagues, I absolutely had to take the chance.”

There are so many things hilarious about this. I don’t even know where to begin.

First, I know this: an athlete and a “gamer” can most definitely kick a ball further than 19-yards, regardless of how injured their quadriceps are. I mean, just look at this woman’s two kick attempts. They’re an embarrassment to everything the Gramatica family stands for.

I’m pretty sure that she is completely lying about practice, too.

Hell, an 11-year-old girl made a 38-yarder in the 2004 NFL Punt, Pass & Kick competition, and you don’t see her trying out for the league now that she’s 21. There’s a quite obvious reason for that: she understands, just like the rest of America, that women are not physically designed to withstand the rigors of the NFL. This is an undisputed scientific fact.

I don’t even care if she can drop 45-yarders in her sleep. As a coach, I’d still be gravely concerned that someone like Jadaveon Clowney jumps the line on a kick block attempt, and literally kills our 5’6” female kicker on impact. I would not put myself in a position to be held liable for anything of the sort, that’s for sure.

To boot, even if she can launch 60-yard kickoffs, the chance of her getting steamrolled playing last (wo)man back on returns is an undisputed 100%. It’d literally be like giving the opposing special teams squad a power play.

Regardless, Lauren Silberman is clearly not capable of kicking a ball, so it’s a moot point anyway.

But even if she was, it doesn’t really seem this chick has the heart of an NFL superstar. After humiliating herself when her “talent” failed her and she couldn’t cope with the pressure of scouts and fellow players looking on, she takes the coward’s way out and blames an injury.

This would NEVER fly in an NFL locker room. Although, I would immensely appreciate seeing the media and teammates rip her to shreds for her remarks.

I mean, come on Lauren, think about this logically.

If you injured yourself training for the league combine, isn’t that kind of a hint that maybe you’re not ever going to cut it in the NFL? Ever?

Not to mention, it’s not really a good interview tact to refer to the league you’re purportedly auditioning for as “one of the world’s most competitive leagues.” If you want to make the NFL, you damn well better believe with all your heart that it is the most competitive league in the world, bar none.

I was trying to understand where Miss Silberman gets off on this until I read this:

Silberman, with her long brown hair pulled into a ponytail, jogged up and down the sideline during warm-ups, trying to get loose as photographers and camera crews from the likes of E! Entertainment network followed her every move.

Roger Goodell and other NFL officials have got to be fucking kidding me with allowing this publicity stunt to fly. They should be ashamed of themselves for stooping to lows like this and disgracing the game of football.

How could you let the NFL be made a mockery of by E! Television and this obviously attention-craving bitch who seemingly wants nothing more than to reap royalties for being known as the worst person to kick a ball since Stephen Hawking.

If I was a scout attending this combine, I’d take this tomfoolery as an utter slap in the face to my job, organization, and dignity, on top of a total waste of minutes in my life that I’ll never get back. By no means was this girl qualified to step on a football field and be considered as NFL crop. Silberman’s admitted that she has never even played in a competitive football game in her life, yet her goal was to try a 60-yard FG?

Closing her press conference she said, “You know, the distance wasn’t there, but hopefully the scouts will notice my technique. It’s not always length.”

Well the thing is, when you kick field goals for a living, it kind of is about the length…and I did see your technique, and it’s fucking deplorable.

Keep your head up though, Lauren. I’m pretty sure there’s some fantastic opportunities available in the stadium bar, and you’re much more qualified to ride the hide than kick it, that’s a certainty.

[via CBS News]

Image via Guyism


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Ashley Schaeffer BMW

Ashley Schaeffer was a senior contributing writer for Total Frat Move. If you thought he was a woman, he'll take that as a compliment, because he loves women. Wooh.

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