FAIL FRIDAY: These Hands Don’t Haze

This is a recurring TFM series. Catch up with all installments of Fail Friday by visiting the archive.

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Below are the best of the worst photos, videos and TFMs sent in by our readers this week. Names have been omitted to protect the guilty, but God sees all shame.

Got something you think should be featured in Fail Friday? Send it to us HERE.

Getting a pet parrot and teaching him to say things like “Tickle my taint!” so that he’ll yell them out when you’re taking a little sleeze to bone town. TFM.

That’s why they call parrots man’s best friend.

Showing up to serve your DWI sentence with a whole log of dip stuffed up your ass because you can’t go a week without lip candy. TFM.

You should enter some kind of ass smuggling competition because that is impressive.

My father hasn’t made physical contact with me since I was 6 years old. TFM.

Bring it in here for a hug big fella I got you.

Using FaceTune on all your IG pics to make the Polo horse even more prominent than it is. TFM.

I can say with 110% confidence that you and I would not get along.

Shitting in your roommate’s Sperrys so he knows what it’s like to walk a mile in your shoes. TFM.


Sneaking into the Theta house and stealing all the house plants as a prank! TFM.

Man what a prank you pulled off.

Tom Brady style kissing your pledge brother because you love him. TFM.

That was just a peck get back in there for the real thing.

Just ordered my vanity license plate: VAPEGOD. TFM.

I will ram your car intentionally even if it means killing us both.

Setting fire to several very promising potential hookups by asking if they’ll let you write “RUSH FIJI” on their boobies mid-makeout. TFM.

You have to know when to play that hand.

Walking into the first day of class, picking out the biggest dude in the room, and hitting him over the head with a textbook to set the tone. TFM.

Prison, dude. That’s the move in prison, not college.

Squad squad squad.


You dishonor your family.

See a fucking dentist, son.

Whole squad on that RGIII tip.

You’re jealous of his body.

Get it? Double entendre tee. Love it! #Fif

His calves are the most flawless tattoo canvas I’ve ever seen.

Swagger on one bajillion.

That’s his O face.

Man down.

Oh my sweet Jesus.

Vegas has the odds on their charter being pulled by 2010 at 5-1.

Return to sender.

The father-son relationship is truly incredible.

You three aren’t in a position to mock anything.

Ayo he’s just proud of his twin littles let that man live.

Hell yeah bros climb on.

Another word: trying.

Family is everything.

Spring break is next month (@colekawika)

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Narrator: He didn’t have it (@soy2k9)

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What the red team has in swagger, they lack in actual basketball ability (@D_conway3)

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Fortnite is the leading cause of stress among American college students (@Mitchhambling)

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Encouraging your friend to attempt a maneuver that will put him at risk of injury

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When you wish you could un-send it (@pierce.archer)

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Yeah right here is fine (@tito_escobedo)

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Spring break is less than two months away

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Whole squad turning up tonight

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The squad stepping out tonight

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The weekend isn’t over yet

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I think he lost (@Thatbaldkid)

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Ross Bolen

Ross Bolen is a New York Times Bestselling author, host of the Oysters, Clams & Cockles podcast, host of the Back Door Cover podcast, Rockets, Astros and Texans internet mascot, cheese enchilada aficionado, nap god, 2017 Masters attendee, and Editor-in-Chief of Grandex Media.

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