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FAIL FRIDAY: Sex With Sandwiches

This is a recurring TFM series. Catch up with all installments of Fail Friday by visiting the archive.

Ten real submissions, ten photos, and two videos that didn’t seem quite right. Names were omitted to protect the guilty.

GDI in front of me in line was taking too long to order so I offered to pay for him, invited him to sit with me, and got to know him. I then preceded to squirt ketchup on his fedora. Take that geed! TFM.
–Tennessee

What is wrong with you, kid? Get the fuck out of here.

When my dick volcano was about to erupt hot splooge inside of her I leaned in close to her ear and whispered, “Happy Mother’s Day.”
–Hawaii

That advanced sexual metaphor lets me know you’re ready to be a father.

Overheard my parents’ conversation today. Mom: “Honey, be careful tonight.” Dad: “Shut up hoe.” TFM.
-Nebraska

Normal pimp family dynamic.

At the end of my astronomy presentation, which was titled “FratSTARS,” I said, “My penis is as big as Venus, and I wanna pee in Uranus” and everyone laughed. TFM.
-Washington

They’re laughing at you, not with you.

After receiving my diploma at graduation, I preceded to yell “geed!” at every GDI that walked across the stage to let them know that they will always be geeds. In unrelated news, I also never tip the bathroom attendant. TFM.
–Tennessee

Congratulations, you’re a dickhead.

Mom bought me a pair of Perry Ellis shoes. I told her “Bro, what the fuck are these?” then made her go exchange them for Sperrys. TFM.
-New York

Everyone in the northeast calls their mom “bro.”

Walked up to a hot girl at a science convention and said, “Bitch you put the ‘ass’ in NASA.” TFM.
–Anonymous

This was submitted by Ke’vonte tha Swag Chief.

Banged some slut raw dog and busted all inside her so I had to get Plan B. Fuck I dont have any money, so I call up my bros and they come get me and spot me to get some. Gave it to her and it’s been 9 months and still havent heard anything from her so I guess I am good. TFM.
–Michigan

Thank God because based off your story telling abilities that kid would’ve been fucking brain damaged.

Me: Little!
Little: BIG!
Me: What you up to?
Little: Power Hour!!!
Me: Let me get in on this!
Little: Hold on let me ask the RA. Alright he said lets booze TFTC!
Me: Already there!
Having a Little who is the definition of future frat star: priceless. TFM.
–Ohio

I fucking hate this job.

The chickens now believe that I am their god, and treat me as such. That is the only explanation I have as to how I got home last night. Chicken religion. TFM.
–Arkansas

Seriously, I’m done. Really this time.


Anyone know where I can get this shirt in a size other than XXXL?


It looks like he tried to fuck a sandwich with way too much mayonnaise on it, and then the sandwich came to life and strangled him to death.


These guys mosh hard at their parties.


The facial expression of the guy holding his 120-pound right leg and the guy going for the belly rub are bonus laughs.


Someone is going to piss in your eyes. Don’t say I did’t warn you.


Matching tramp stamps, a sign of true devotion.


Of all the places people take pictures with their flag, you guys chose a merry-go-round?


A dangerous face that will inevitably end up on “America’s Most Wanted” list.


Dope boulder.


They pulled over to take a picture with a sign that says “Dix.” How fucking high are these guys? Look closely at their faces.

Un-fucking-bearable remix of Kappa Rap:

Never really had an opinion about Syracuse, after “Cuse Is Cray” I do:

Chaser to help you recover:


I recommend turning on HD and waiting until at least the :45 second mark before giving up on the chaser.

If you missed last week’s Fail Friday, CLICK HERE.

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TFM Intern

Never getting promoted.

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