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FAIL FRIDAY: Global Defense Initiative

This is a recurring TFM series. Catch up with all installments of Fail Friday by visiting the archive.

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Ten real submissions, ten photos, and two videos that didn’t seem quite right. Names were omitted to protect the guilty.

Slampiece wanted to be official, so I gave her a Slamsquad jersey and said she had to wear it in the slampionship match against other slams. TFM.

I hope you accidentally slam your fingers in the car door.

At a house party when a supergeed walks up with a jar that has “douchebag” written on it and tells me to put $1 in it because I instigated body shots. Told him to get a bigger jar to fit all the fucks I gave. TFM.

The supergeed’s burn was better, and prop oriented.

Viciously dick slapping sleeping hobos until they find a job. TFM.

“Get a goddamn job, Al! You’ve got a negative attitude!”

A geed asked me if I needed a spitter. I said no and continued to spit on his face. TFM.

Fill that human spittoon with your sweet juices.

Getting a wicked handjob from the cashier while shopping at American Eagle. TFM.
–North Carolina

Did she follow you around the store with one hand in your pants while you checked out cargos?

C.R.E.W. Creative Revolution Entourage Worldwide, if you ain’t with us you against us. We takin over. Loyalty, respect, bros. TFM.
–Ke’vonte tha Swag Chief

God damn it, Ke’vonte.

Mom asked why I don’t have a girlfriend, I asked her why the house was dirty. TFM.
–North Dakota

And then she asked you why you still live at home.

Printing counterfeit bills and taking them to the stripper club. Bitches shaking that ass for fake dough and don’t even know though. TFM.

Making it rain Monopoly money. RFM.

Running through the party and slapping little white girls with a giant, black, lubed up double-sided dildo. TFM.

Lubing it up is just adding insult to injury.

Making her wear an Obama mask while you smash from behind. TFM.

I hope this replaces brown bagging. “Yeah man I’d hit it, but I’d have to Obama mask that bitch.”

Never go full Phi Delt.

According to the submitter they call him “Happy Feet.”

It comes so naturally to this kid. He doesn’t even have to try.

Undershirt. NF.

This fucking geed baby thinks he’s sooo cool. He’s not.

No matter how good a life they live St. Peter will ask, “Did you really have to get the fucking bicep tats?”

Selfies while getting drug tested. TFM.

I don’t know what’s going on here, but I know it’s gay.

My new favorite meme.

Victory chub. TFTC.

High schooler wearing Kappa Sig t-shirt apologizes to plane:

If I was on this flight I would’ve been pissed off. Let me off the fucking plane. Don’t make me listen to some wannabe frat laxer read his apology note.

“I’m proud to be a GDI motherfucker.”

Fast forward to the 5:05 mark for his comments on the Global Defense Initiative.

CHASER: Behind the scenes with Kate Upton

If you missed last week’s Fail Friday, CLICK HERE. Also be sure to check out TFM Sweetheart of the Week, Taylor Chatley.

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