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FAIL FRIDAY: Bad Friday

This is a recurring TFM series. Catch up with all installments of Fail Friday by visiting the archive.

Ten real submissions, five photos, and four videos that didn’t seem quite right. Names were omitted to protect the guilty.

Jesus wouldn’t have risen from the dead if he drank as much as I did last night. TFM.
-Texas

Blasphemy! He also wouldn’t have taken down that slampig.

Rocking my white Oakleys and croakies on campus today, decided to call them Croakleys. TFM.
–Kansas

Might as well move to Paris now. You are the future of fashion.

I’m a senior in high school and a future fraternity gentleman. I need to ask a longtime friend and future sorority girl to prom. I thought this would be a clever way. It would be awesome if you posted this. Will you go to prom with me Emily W? THSM.
–North Carolna

Bid.

None of my brothers even know that I drink. I pre-game alone because I don’t want to share my shit, and then I hide the effects really well. TFM.
–South Carolina

So you’re an alcoholic loner?

Last year on Easter Sunday the pastor stopped the service and had me removed by two ushers because I threw up in the tithe tray. TFM.
–Mississippi

You took “give everything to Jesus” too literally.

My Spring Break was two weeks ago and I’m still at my all-inclusive hotel in Cozumel typing this in the hotel computer room. I don’t have money for a flight home and the hotel doesn’t know I can’t pay my bill. I’m in too deep. Please help me. TFM.
–New York

Oh man, you’re fucked.

I didn’t want to fart in front of a new shacker, but I held it in for way too long and the gas buildup made me shit myself in my sleep. Whatever, I don’t chase them I replace them. TFM.
–Georgia

Clearly a stone cold pimp.

I’m a big guy so I appreciate a big girl. My momma used to tell me, “Jimmy a girl with no meat on her bones ain’t gonna be able to slay that dragon between your legs.” TFM.
–Alabama

Good ole Jimmy Dragoncock.

Having a newfound respect for sluts that do anal after getting your first prostate exam. RFM.
–Utah

Another classic “real fraternity move” for the history books.

I gave up condoms for Lent, and I don’t think the health center is open on Good Friday, but this rash on my ballsack needs immediate attention. TFM.
–California

My prayers go out to you and your scrotum.


The kid in the middle is not even phased, and looks peacefully attentive.


The General Patton of Humans vs. Zombies.


How the fuck do you even accomplish this?


Hanging 10 at the huge meat sale.


What you see when you look up “fratty” in the dictionary.

I know forgiveness goes hand-in-hand with Easter, but I can’t forgive this :

Why do they all insist on butchering Carly Rae Jepsen’s American classic?

Yeah, there are three. At least these guys start mugging down with trees at the 1:15 mark:

Were you listening to “Call Me Maybe?”

God I love that fucking song. Here is last week’s Fail Friday in case you missed it.

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