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FAIL FRIDAY: Asinine Attempts

This is a recurring TFM series. Catch up with all installments of Fail Friday by visiting the archive.

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Fifteen real submissions, five photos and one video, that didn’t seem quite right. Names were omitted to protect the guilty.

The pledge of allegiance gets me hard. TFM.

Are you saying the oath of loyalty to our national flag arouses you, or one of your pledges that is the designated “pledge of allegiance” actually gives you a stiffy? Either way…seems like a problem.

Were so Bro, we eat Fruit loops with natty, and and BBQ Sausage battered Beer. TFM.

Incredible. This one post ruined my fucking week.

Best pick up line ever: “I used to date a midget. I was nuts over her.” Works every time. TFM.

Bad joke. Also, they prefer to be called “little people,” you son-of-a-bitch.

When you were little, you parents probably said, “You need to go tee tee?” TFM.

Actually my parents used to say, “Do you need to tinkle?” So yeah, you feel pretty fucking stupid now don’t you?

Just delivered a keg to a Chuck-E-Cheese. TFM.

This made me want to rage on stage with those animatronic animals at a Chuck-E-Cheese.

Sitting in the waiting room at University Health after testing positive for AIDS. First test passed all year. TFM.

Too far? Yes.

The guys from American Pie not being able to get laid.NF Stifler and the Shermanator. TFM.

American Pie is incredibly weak. Ultimate GDI movie.

I’m not suicidal but I do take a lot of shots to the face. TFM.
-North Carolina

You should’ve had a buddy proofread this before you submitted it. He would’ve told you it sounds like you’re taking lots of cum shots to the face.

Your slampiece making you watch Twilight. NF. Making your slampiece watch Buffy before a slam session because she’s sexy as hell. TFM.

Buffy the Vampire Slayer. TSM.

I jerk off before sex. JUST so i can really slam my slam piece! TFM.

Gotta clean the pipes, bro.

From some girl during recruitment to pledge sis to “first mate” to study buddy to best friend to roommate to soulmate. Love you, sis! TSM.

That’s good. Now just rub her back a little. Give her a little kiss. That’s nice. Yeah.

Paid for my spring break by winning a $500 booty-shaking contest in Key West! TSM.


Spending more money on laxatives than I do on food. TSM.

What the fuck is wrong with you? Gross.

Falling out of a Frat house window. TSM.

Don’t lie. He pushed you because you wouldn’t leave.

The making of a group of best friends is like baking a cake. Once the ingredients are carefully chosen, mixed together, and put in the oven, they’ll be inseparable. TSM.

Thank you Michigan. That’s touching.


We may have just arrived on campus, but thanks to me, everyone already knows we’re TFTC. TFM.

Ivy never felt so good

Nothing says Carolina Cup like a trip to the ER for dehydration after 8 hours of day drinking in the sun. TSM.

About to go to work. TFM.

This is awful:

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TFM Intern

Never getting promoted.

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