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FAIL FRIDAY: American Pride and Adderall

This is a recurring TFM series. Catch up with all installments of Fail Friday by visiting the archive.

Fifteen real submissions, five photos and one video, that didn’t seem quite right. Names were omitted to protect the guilty.

I love America so much, that if there was a bald eagle right here in front of me I would fuck it. TFM.
-Arkansas

People in Arkansas will fuck anything. Bald eagles, cousins, truck tailpipes…

When she climbed on top she noticed the American flag above my bed, and proceeded to slam while moaning/singing “Proud to be an American.”
-Texas

Video or it didn’t happen.

Woke up in the hotdog vendor’s meat cart next to an Asian girl. Took a package of hotdogs and bounced. TFM.
-New York

I figure this is pretty common in New York. In my mind the streets are just littered with hotdog carts and Asian chicks. The obvious thing to do is mix the two.

Going to Facebook and finding “SB 2011” photo albums to masturbate to. TFM.
-Tennessee

Roommate walks in: “What the fuck, dude? Were you just spanking it to our Cabo 2011 album?”

My mother told me I’m starting to look like John Daly. TFM.
-Virginia

“Son, you look like a red-faced, raging alcoholic, chain smoking, gambling addicted, fat professional golfer. But I still love you.”

The smell of Cope straight and Coca-Cola in one bottle gets me hard. TFM.
-Tennessee

This is an unusual fetish.

The slampiece asked about my herpes, I covered and said it was bad razor burn. Sharing is caring after all. TFM.
-Oklahoma

I’m not sure that phrase applies in this situation. For the love of God, stop purposely-spreading STDs and thinking it’s humorous.

Some geed walks into the elevator while I’m on my way to go get my swole on and asks, “Are you going out?” I say “Do these sweatpants look like they’re polo?” TFM.
-Illinois

You are a douche bag.

Spending an obscure amount of money at the bar every night when my family is secretly on welfare. TFM.
-Nebraska

Raging on food stamps is the old money way in Nebraska.

Hazing every waiter I ever get at Chili’s just in case it’s the guy from Fail Friday. TFM.
-Texas

I miss the Chili’s guy.

Getting scowls from lower-tier girls and GDIs, when my fratdaddy sits down at my table in the library and showers me with Adderall. TSM.
-South Carolina

If this guy is literally walking over to you at the library, and making it rain Addy down on you like fucking Skittles…TFM. But you’re still a crack head.

I’ve wanted a boob job since I was 12. TSM.
-Florida

I’ve wanted you to get a boob job since I was 12.

My drug dealer smoked me out because I took him cupcakes from the cupcake sisterhood event held at our House tonight. TSM.
-Texas

Hanging out with a lonely, friendless geed who sells weed to pay for school and the occasional opportunity to hit the pipe with a bottom-tier sorostitute such as yourself. NS.

Stealing random things you have no use for just for the story. TSM.
-North Carolina

Being a klepto is sexy as fuck. I don’t care what anyone says.

Playing hard to get. NS. Making them hard then leaving. TSM.
-North Carolina

This strategy isn’t going to make him, or your daddy, love you any more.


Rush Pike, you know you want to.


Freshman’s first Old South. TFM?


Fail Friday


Inside of my fratdaddy’s cooler for beach weekend. TSM.


Rough night.

This might actually make your weekend better. The description reads: “Blacked out guy asks to get punched in the face and falls downstairs onto cripple…TFM”

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