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You wake up just after the sun rises, and the whiskey is fresh on your breath like the dew on the grass outside. As you awkwardly attempt to roll over without waking last night’s conquest, you see that she’s almost a 7, probably a 6.7. Satisfied with the results, you track down your clothes to sneak back to the house.
That’s when you realize that all you’ve got to wear on the walk home is the shirtless Rambo getup from last night’s Jungle party. No shame. It’s time for the stride of pride.
The walk of shame has been both feared and ridiculed by many, but they are typically reserved for sorostitutes, when you wake up next to Snuffaluffagus’s stunt double, or the rare instances that you find yourself waking up sans pants in the middle of your university’s campus square. The walk of shame is filled with feelings of insecurity, subtle satisfaction and, of course, more shame than the time your roommate walked in on you watching Cake Farts with no pants on.
On the continuum of morning afters, the stride of pride is the complete opposite of the walk of shame. It is the walk that shows that you got laid last night and you give zero fucks about who knows. The male passerbys will always have a sense respect and the future slams will try to hide their unwilling want and desire for you.
A stride of pride is an in-your-face power move. Like any power move, there are various degrees of how you want to conduct them. One could simply walk straight home and shower and change, but that’s weak sauce.
A true stride of pride power move relies on carrying about your day while still in your clothing from the night before. Attire is key for this as well. It is one thing to go to a class while still in your frat-gear from the night before; it is a completely different thing to go to your 10 o’clock recitation with 19 other people while wearing a full scale king costume.
No matter how you feel when you wake up, puff your chest out a little, hold your head up high and take the stride of pride like any true gentleman would the morning after.