With the rise in virtual reality and robotics and pornography, robot sex is inevitable. One futurologist, though, thinks it will be the norm – and sooner than you might expect. No surprise there. Everybody is at least a little turned on by that dime piece robot from the Svedka commercials.
No? You’re lying. You’re a liar.
Pearson’s logic (which, it’s worth noting, is backed by no formal data) suggests the path to full robo-boning is linear and already in the works. Technology like Google Glass will become more common, evolving into neuro implants that will give us orgasms at the touch of a button. Virtual reality, too, will improve, helping develop our taste for cyber nookie.
Naturally, as any good scientist does, he accounts for social privilege in his findings: wealthy one-percenters could have fully fledged sex robots in their home as early as 2025. By 2030, virtual reality sex toys will be commonplace, and by 2050, human-robot sex will be more common than human-human sex.
Better study hard, kids. When 2025 comes around, you don’t want to end up jacking off with Palmela and her five friends like a poor.
It may sound absurd, but it’s really not that outlandish of a prospect when you think about it. I already have sex with my hand far more often than with real women, and society already has lifelike, disembodied, robotic twerking butts you can stick your dick in. What if, instead of turning on some John Legend, squirting a dollop of lotion into your hand, and firing up the ‘hub, you just went into your closet and pulled out BECKY BOT 69?
I can see her now. Her head would be a high definition screen of whatever face I wanted. It would be Amy Adams most nights. The torso would be covered in tits: two rows of three down the front and back. She would have four Doctor Octopus-style arms with vibrating hands on the ends so she can tickle both of my nips, cradle my nuts, and change the TV channel simultaneously. The vagina would be attached to a powerful piston-type thing and start blasting “Eye of the Tiger” whenever I reached the homestretch. Lastly, her stomach would open up to serve as a Panini press for afterwards.
If any scientists out there want to make this happen, hit me up when it’s finished..
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