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Everyone’s Favorite GDI Goes On Epic Rant

Alex Jones: “And you’re working out even a couple times a day sometimes.”

Charlie Sheen: “Um, well yeah, but there’s only one time in the gym if you catch my drift. We’re not live are we?”

In case you’ve been living under a rock, Charlie Sheen really, really likes to party. Basically, his persona is Giants’ pitcher Brian Wilson mixed with a shit ton of blow.

“Rhymes with winning. Anyone? Yeah that would be us. Sorry man, didn’t make the rules. Oops.”

Last week, he went all-out apeshit during a radio interview with Alex Jones, ranting like a mad man and shitting all over the producers of his hit TV show, Two and a Half Men, which has subsequently been canceled.

“I am battle tested bayonets, bro. I’m tired, I’m so tired of pretending like my life isn’t perfect and bitchin’ and just winning every second, and I’m not perfect and bitchin’. And just delivering the goods at every frickin’ turn. Because, look what I’m dealing with man, I’m dealing with fools and trolls. Ya know? I’m dealin with soft targets.”

In the interview, he claims he is clean, but if that isn’t an amphetamine fueled rant, then I don’t know what is.

“I don’t have time for these clowns. I don’t have time for their judgment and their stupidity. You know, they lay down with their ugly wives in front of their ugly children and just look at their loser lives and then they look at me and they say ‘I CAN’T PROCESS IT.’ Well no, and you never will, stop trying just sit back and enjoy the show. You know?”

I mean, I guess it’s possible that he’s blowing down Adderall, or bonging coffee. Would that be considered “clean”? He refuses to acknowledge any addiction: “The only thing I’m addicted to now is winning.” Then he takes shots at Alcoholics Anonymous: “I have a disease? Bullshit. I cured it with my brain, with my mind.”

Awesome.

“It might be lonely up here, but I sure like the view, Alex.”

Listen to the full interview:


He dropped these gems during a more recent interview with ABC News:

“I am on a drug. It’s called Charlie Sheen. It’s not available because if you try it once, you will die. Your face will melt off and your children will weep over your exploded body.”

“I was banging seven-gram rocks and finishing them, because that’s how I roll…I have one speed. I have one gear. Go.”

“I got tiger blood, man. My brain…fires in a way that is, I don’t know, maybe not from this particular terrestrial realm.”

Also, his brother is Gordon Bombay.

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