Ernest Hemingway’s Hamburger Recipe Is The Manliest Way To Consume Dead Cows

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Ernest Hemingway was a certified badass. When he wasn’t miraculously surviving brushes with death on the battlefield, hunting big game in Africa, or hitting rival authors in the face with one of his timeless American novels, Hemingway liked to fire up the grill (or whatever they cooked shit with back then) and roast some burgs. But homie didn’t craft just any old hamburger. Like everything he did, he did it in the manliest, most American, most over-the-top way possible.

Peep his recipe for his version of the ideal hamburger and you’ll know what I’m talking about. Notice how many fucking capers and onions and shreds of garlic are in there. Dude’s got an affinity for all things spicy. This ain’t no bitch burger. If you can’t take Hemingway’s heat, get out of the kitchen.

1 lb. ground lean beef
2 cloves, minced garlic
2 little green onions, finely chopped
1 heaping teaspoon, India relish
2 tablespoons, capers
1 heaping teaspoon, Spice Islands sage
Spice Islands Beau Monde Seasoning — 1/2 teaspoon
Spice Islands Mei Yen Powder — 1/2 teaspoon
1 egg, beaten in a cup with a fork
About 1/3 cup dry red or white wine
1 tablespoon cooking oil

What to do–
Break up the meat with a fork and scatter the garlic, onion and dry seasonings over it, then mix them into the meat with a fork or your fingers. Let the bowl of meat sit out of the icebox for ten or fifteen minutes while you set the table and make the salad. Add the relish, capers, everything else including wine and let the meat sit, quietly marinating, for another ten minutes if possible. Now make your fat, juicy patties with your hands. The patties should be an inch thick, and soft in texture but not runny. Have the oil in your frying pan hot but not smoking when you drop in the patties and then turn the heat down and fry the burgers about four minutes. Take the pan off the burner and turn the heat high again. Flip the burgers over, put the pan back on the hot fire, then after one minute, turn the heat down again and cook another three minutes. Both sides of the burgers should be crispy brown and the middle pink and juicy.

Dear God that description at the end is mouth-watering. You could’ve just housed an entire Chinese Buffet, a pint of Blue Bell, and topped it off with a post-meal cigarette, and you’d still be ready to whip up a batch of Hemingway ham.

[via Dangerous Minds]

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Alex Buscemi

AKA Boosh. Former high school back-up wide receiver. Author of two pretty successful Reddit comments. Recent grad from the University of South Carolina.

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