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Earlier this month, a professor from Santa Monica College led students in an “EcoSexual Sextravaganza” where participants said their vows, put on rings, and married the ocean.
From Campus Reform:
Amber Katherine, a philosophy professor who helped organize the May 14 event, explained to Campus Reform that the purpose of the “wedding” was to bring about a deeper love for the planet through “ecocentric passion and even lust.”
The ceremony began with Bruce Cartier, a former SMC student, proclaiming to those gathered at Santa Monica Beach that “today we stand upon this holy earth and in this sacred space to witness the rite of matrimony between the sea and us all.”
Next, leaders of the event distributed rings to the students, announcing “with this ring, I bestow upon the sea the treasures of my mind heart and hands—as well as my body and soul. With the power vested in us, we now pronounce you ‘married to the sea.’”
Then, it was time for the newlyweds to consummate their holy matrimony. Things got steamy.
Some students then made their way down to the water, where they were urged by event organizers to “consummate” the marriage and “make love with the water.”
“Stick your toes in the water … or any part of your body that you want.”
“Aww yeah, baby. You’re so wet. You like it when I stick my toes in there, don’t you? How about the whole foot? Yeah? YEAH!?”
While sex with nature is a lot of fun, one student named “Serenity” stressed the importance of consent before dipping into a body of water or barking up a tree.
“Back when I would hug trees in Santa Cruz, I would sort of ask the tree if it was okay if I hugged it and I would feel their spirit or energy or something give a response back, and then proceed accordingly,” she told The Corsair. “Consent is definitely important. Do you think the Earth would consent to fracking and pollution? Probably not”.
Okay. The Earth didn’t consent to fracking per se, but the way her body was shaking… she was totally into it.
I’m not even gonna knock these kids. Marrying the ocean? I get it. The gentle lapping of the waves against you. The sand cradling your toes. The salty brine tickling your nips. The ocean is fucking hot.
“Serenity” is right, too. You gotta do it the right way. Can’t just dive right in. Ease your way into it. Ask the ocean if it feels good before going any deeper.
There’s also a lot to consider depending on the ocean. The Pacific is dope if you like ’em big. And the Atlantic’s got that perfect hourglass shape. But the Arctic Ocean is an ice cold bitch. And the Indian Ocean? Just not my type.
If there’s anything to take away from this story, it’s that you now have the perfect defense if the cops try to arrest you for masturbating on the beach: “STOP OPPRESSING ME!”.
[via Campus Reform]