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Standing Rock Protest Organizers Plead With Hippie Protesters To Stop Playing Their Guitars, Treating The Protest Like Burning Man

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This Facebook statement from a Standing Rock protest organizer is as full of gold as the Black Hills themselves once were.


This is what I imagine the scene inside the protests at Standing Rock, North Dakota is like right now:

*A hippie whips out his guitar*

Hippie: Let’s show the government what we’re made of! We’re gonna stand up to these fascists! THEY CAN’T FIGHT THIS KIND OF POWERRRR! [starts singing] We are the lifeblood of the earth, we are the children of the forest…

Organizer: Okay, no, no. Please stop playing guitar and either help carry food to the campsite or help clean clothes, or clean the pots and pans we’re cooking meals in. People are dirty, cold, and very hungry. This is a difficult environment. We won’t last if we don’t help each other out. This is not why we asked people to come here.

Hippie: [still singing] …and when they see our unity, they will all start to believe…

Organizer: No I’m serious. Stop singing. Your songs are all awful. You are literally worse for camp morale than the firehoses they’ve been spraying us with.

Hippie: [still singing] …to them we say, not today, hey hey hey, no land for pay! And they will heed our voices finallyyyyyy. [finished singing] Holy hell the acid just kicked in hard. Let’s go sit on a hill and watch the police shoot flares at people. You were right Sebastian, this is way more fun than going to your uncle’s place in Crested Butte would’ve been.

Organizer: Ohhh my God…

But really, hippies are just showing up to Standing Rock to get the crunchiest, most socially conscious of Insta posts, basically.

Protestor Alicia Smith wrote on Facebook: “On my way back from the camps. Need to get something off my chest that I witnessed and found very disturbing in my brief time there that I believe many others have started to speak up about as well.

“These people are treating it like it is Burning Man or The Rainbow Gathering and I even witnessed several wandering in and out of camps comparing it to those festivals.”

The hippies are also wasting precious money donated to the Standing Rock protests by asking for hilariously frivolous things such as fluoride free water, instead of simply drinking tap water, because nothing says, “I understand your struggle and am here to suffer in solidarity with you” like acting like you’re shopping at a suburban Whole Foods.

Hippie: [handed food] Oooo, where’s that from? I really can’t eat anything that I don’t know for sure is GMO free.

Starving, Freezing Indian: [stares blankly]

God I love hippies.

[via The Independent]

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