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The last time my nose bore witness to a stink bomb going off was in middle school. I remember it vividly. It happened during that time period between when lunch ended and class resumed. The normal kids all screamed and ran away from the rancid stench when the bomb went off, but I, having already shoved myself into a locker so the bullies wouldn’t get the satisfaction of doing it to me, was trapped, forced to take it all in. The smell was so bad that I couldn’t help but vomit out of the little air vents near the top of my steel cage, causing my spew to drip all the way down the front of locker #1443 at Seminole Middle School and make it look like somebody had used that puking rainbows snapchat filter on it.
The situation that happened at an Athens, Georgia bar recently is pretty similar… kind of. Not really. But it still involves a stink bomb and a loser.
From Athens Banner-Herald:
Upon arriving at the bar on East Clayton Avenue at about 1:40 a.m. Saturday, police saw “several patrons of Whiskey Bent began to leave quickly while making comments about how bad it stunk inside the bar,” according to the report.
Bar patrons pointed out 20-year-old Blake Leland Zengo as the culprit, and one woman accused Zengo of spraying her face, according to police.
When police found Zengo in the bar’s patio area, he claimed to not know what was going on, and said he did not spray anything, according to the report.
Zengo was described in the police report as being “very inebriated, and was slurring his words.”
When the cops searched Zengo, they found a bottle on his person. The brand name on said bottle? Liquid ASS. Pretty sure they knew they had their guy at that point. Zengo probably had a hard time convincing the coppers that bottle wasn’t full of what they thought it was full of, on account of both the brand name and his drunken slurring. “Ah swear, ossifer. Thass no poo poo spritzer, thass just muh hair spray,” or whatever he said, clearly didn’t cut it.
Zengo wound up getting charged with disorderly conduct, underage consumption of alcohol, and public intoxication, and was released after posting a $1500 bond.
This whole ordeal is undeniably NF. If you want to pull this kind of stunt, there’s only one frat way to do it — clear the bar out with your own farts, like a man. None of this bottled butthole shit. And if you think your diet doesn’t allow for it, you need a major life change stat. I’m talking straight eggs, beans, meat, and dairy until that which erupts out of your anus is more suitable for chemical warfare than the air inside your Bonobos. Get better, Zengo..
[via Athens Banner-Herald]
Image via Google Maps