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I don’t know much about the University of Rochester, but I’m just gonna assume it’s finals week there. It’s not every weekday night you go out drinking and wake up in jail because you stole a freakin’ ambulance. If you do that kinda shit every weekday night, seek help.
Robert Cordaro, 22, was arrested on Thursday after police say he jumped into an ambulance and drove off. The ambulance was reportedly on the scene at 2:30 a.m. helping an intoxicated person when, according to police, Cordaro got into the driver’s seat.
Cordaro did not get far in the ambulance. Crews say he crashed into a flower bed moments later. He’s been charged with grand larceny, criminal mischief and DWI.
According to court documents, Cordaro’s BAD was .17 percent. An officer noted that Cordaro drank six beers and two manhattans.
A public safety officer said in a deposition that Cordaro said: ‘It was stupid, it was stupid,’ while being handcuffed. According to a police officer’s statement, Cordaro also said: ‘You got me, do whatever you need to,’ to a University of Rochester campus safety officer when arrested.
Alright, let’s break this into two parts.
First, I’ve never once had six beers and two manhattans and thought “let’s do some felonies, eh?” After consuming that much booze you should be borderline “Sex In The City” drunk: Still got your wits about you, but acting a little more slutty than usual.
Second, “you got me, do whatever you need to” is NOT the first thing you say to an officer after you get caught doing something super illegal. Actually, it’s really never the first thing you want to say to anyone ever. Fun thought, poor execution.
As much fun as stealing an ambulance looks, it’s a reallllly hard crime to get away with, especially when you’re still drunk. I’ve played Need for Speed. I’ve played GTA. That ambulance is getting damaged and you’re gonna have at least ten cops in hot pursuit of your ass. Hard pass.
Cordaro, a senior majoring in political science and English, is also a member of the YellowJackets football team. Or should we say was a member? Gonna be tough to keep that roster spot after this. Shoulda just beat his girlfriend instead. Much easier to stay on a football team after that.
Just kidding. Violence is never the answer. Domestic abuse is a national issue.
— 13WHAM (@13WHAM) May 12, 2016
Cordaro has pleaded not guilty to the charges. My guess is, judging from the collared shirt and the shit-eating grin in his mugshot, he’s got plenty of money and will get himself a good lawyer to reduce this down to a simple littering charge. Godspeed..
Image via YouTube