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Drunk College Student Steals Truck To Drive Home, Crashes Spectacularly

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Getting home after a night out is almost always the most difficult part of your drunken “Homeward Bound”-esque epic. Every soul reading this right now has had a night where he was far from home, drunk, tired, and too lazy to make the never-ending slog back. This guy was in that position, and he decided an F-450 hitched to a John Deere tractor was his path to salvation.

After jumping a fence and hopping into the driver’s seat of an idling truck, the kid took off. I’m imagining this panned out like one of those movie scenes where a few guys are sitting inside a diner, a rest stop, or wherever and they notice their truck pulling out of the lot just in time to spill their coffee on themselves and curse their luck before running out into the parking lot, shaking their fists, and shouting something funny. That’s pretty much how this one went down.

Workers called police and followed the stolen truck on North Yew Street. The student — possibly aware that he was spotted — allegedly tried to pull into the parking lot of Roosevelt Elementary School. But instead of coming to a complete stop, he slammed into a 3-foot-retaining wall and crashed the truck.

Smooth move, kid. They’ll never see you behind the smashed retaining wall at the local elementary school. He’s being hit with a slew of charges over the incident, but “being a drunken dumbass” was suspiciously absent from the list.

Tired, drunk, and crashing into three foot retaining walls is no way to go through life, son.

[via Q13 Fox]

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Scientist, internet comedian, future supervillain. I still refuse to believe I've graduated college.

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