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Drug Dealers Are Selling Olympic-Branded Cocaine With Warning Labels For Kids

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Need that extra pick-me-up so you don’t get murdered late at night in Rio de Janeiro? Well, why not turn to cocaine — the official drug of the 2016 Summer Olympics?!

There are some seriously smart drug peddlers down in Rio right now who know more about marketing and branding than half of the business students reading this article right now. These drug dealers are so good that they’re supposedly using the Summer Olympics logo to push their products.

It’s good to see drug dealers that are smart AND thoughtful. Next time you’re buying some booger sugar to snort off a stripper’s tits back in your rundown hotel room, remember to keep your young children at least three feet away at all times. You wouldn’t want to scar them for life, would you?

Look, if you want to keep these drugs out of the hands of criminals, than the answer is pretty simple: you must legalize cocaine. They’re legalizing weed left and right, and it’s triggering a booming economy in Colorado.

They say there are more negative health consequences with cocaine than there are with weed, but has that even ever been scientifically proven? No, it hasn’t. Anyone who tells you any different can take their communist ass back to the USSR.

We’ll see if Olympic officials can shut this logo-stealing operation down. I’m sure they’ll get to it after they address the Zika virus, robberies, murders, the country’s financial crisis, the Olympic village being shitty, the widespread pollution, and the Russians being dirty cheaters.

Image via Shutterstock

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El Taco

Either a war hero or war criminal depending on how you look at it

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