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Donald Trump Says His Campaign Is Finally Off The Leash, He’s For Sure Gonna Call Hillary A “Bitch” To Her Face

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You know those times when you’re at a strip club with one of your less mentally stable friends, and he’s been blasting rails to the point that his heart more or less resembles the train at the end of Back to the Future III? And he’s been chugging Wild Turkey all night because he needed to “blow off some steam” which, in his mind, meant fighting a bouncer for not letting the 17-year-old he matched with on Tinder into the first bar you tried to go to? And then, after he literally tried (successfully) to lure a stripper over to your chairs by cutting up a line on the stage in front of where you’re sitting, you look over and he’s on the phone with his girlfriend, screaming, “No bitch I’m fuckin’ NOT coming home tonight. SHUT THE FUCK UP I’LL KILL YOUR DOG! FINE! WE ARE DONE! IT’S OVER! SEE YOU IN HELL YOU ROTTEN GASH!” And then your friend turns to you, pulls out a handgun, uses it to do another bump, and says, “I’m off the leash now motherfucker! Let’s get weird.” You know that type of night?

That’s this Donald Trump tweet in a nutshell.

The Republican nominee has been tweeting his (understandable) displeasure with the Republican establishment’s (also understandable) abandonment of his Hindenburg landing of a campaign in its final month. It seems Paul Ryan’s non-non-endorsement is what sent Trump over the edge.

None of that really matters, though. The bullshit politics here are beside the point. What matters is that apparently Donald Trump wasn’t already running an unshackled campaign. Which, Jesus Christ. In just one night, he had Bill Clinton’s alleged rape victims as his plus-ones and threatened to prosecute his political opponent if he won the election. That’s like something a Latin American dictator would do… as a guest on Monday Night Raw. And that’s just off the top of my head.

If Trump wasn’t off the leash until now, then the third debate, Ken Bone-less as it will regrettably be, becomes appointment viewing. But not in the way the Super Bowl is appointment viewing. No, this is more like “you have legitimate visions of the future and you’ve seen that a runaway train is going to plow into a prison bus full of ISIS leadership that’s stuck on the tracks” appointment viewing. You can and should do anything you possibly can to watch the carnage.

He’s going to call her a bitch to her face on live TV.

It’s going to happen. I’ve heard and said the word bitch countless times. It’s basically meaningless to me. Yet I’m still going to do a spit take and drop the big bowl of popcorn I popped to watch it happen when it actually happens.

Who ever said a free-fall into oblivion couldn’t be fun?

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