Donald Trump “Cheats Like Hell” At Golf

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For the past few weeks, there’s been a lot of news going around that Donald Trump once had an affair with “adult film actress” Stormy Daniels, but I never believed it. At first glance, “Stormy Daniels” sounds more like a weatherman than a porn star. After I did some research, I can confirm 100% that she is, in fact, not a weatherman.

Turns out his wife isn’t the only thing Donald Trump cheats on.

From Yahoo Sports:

Suzann Pettersen, a 15-time winner on the LPGA Tour and a frequent playing partner of Trump’s, gave an interview to Norwegian newspaper Verdens Gang in which she talked about her friendship with the president … and she didn’t hold back in her assessment of his game.

“He cheats like hell,” Pettersen said… “But in all the times I’ve played him, he’s never come close to breaking 80.”

Hearing that the Donald sucks at golf is the most unsurprising thing I’ve ever heard. Look at the guy. Sloppy and un-athletic.

Can you really blame The Donald, though? When your personal brand revolves around you being good at golf, and you golf with everyone from Tiger Woods to Peyton Manning to the Prime Minister of Japan, sometimes you need to embellish your club swinging abilities. Look, I suck at golf too, but I have my own personal theory about that.

“I’m pretty sure he pays his caddie well, since no matter how far into the woods he hits the ball, it’s in the middle of the fairway when we get there.”

It’s an unwritten rule that friends let friends cheat at golf. Cheating at golf is as American as apple pie, Natty Light, or hating Tom Brady. I’ve been watching my friends cheat at golf for years and I didn’t say anything. If they paid me like Trump pays his caddie, I would go full Stevie Wonder and pretend I saw nothing. That hole-in-one that took you four strokes? Looks good to me!

What Pettersen fails to realize about Trump’s less than honest track record on the green is the golden rule: Whoever has the gold makes the rules. Donny Trump owns the courses, so he can play by whatever rules he wants.

[via Yahoo Sports]

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Previously known for being the 4th best improv comedian in the state of New Jersey, he enjoyed a brief career in politics by serving on his fraternity's eboard until a scandal not as bad as the Lewinsky scandal, but more memorable than Whitewater lead to his resignation. Now, he spends his time making God awful jokes in chapter meetings, rooting for a shitty New Jersey hockey team, and serving on the congressional committee set to determine whether Oprah Winfrey should be classified as a cult or a religion.

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