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I’m not a big “boycott” guy. I still frequent Chick-fil-A despite the founding family hating homosexuals because apparently, like most Americans, my love for fried chicken and waffle fries trumps my desire for equality. I eat various and sundry meats despite animal rights activists’ attempts to convince me that “meat is murder” — which misses the point completely, by the way. I understand that meat is murder; I just don’t care. Do you know what else is murder? Murder, which I would be committing if human meat tasted as good as cow meat (though a certain FSU fraternity member might beg to differ).
When it comes to boycotting the Olympics, I’m even more hesitant. Sure, the U.S. made it cool to skip the summer games back in 1980, but do you know who followed suit? Those potato-drinking Reds in 1984. Not a group of people to whom I want to hold many similarities. So it should speak to my passion towards the subject when I say that I am going to boycott the 2020 Olympics in Tokyo, and all subsequent summer games, if dødsing is not added as an official event.
Not familiar with dødsing? Let me fill you in. Dødsing, commonly translated as “death diving,” is the Norwegian sport of jumping from a high altitude and pretending you’re going to belly flop for as long as possible before changing position and breaking the water’s surface tension with something other than your gut. It’s essentially a game of chicken, but instead of two morons going full speed at each other in golf carts…
it’s a duel between all of your vital organs and a concrete tub filled with water that can seriously injure you if you don’t puss out in time. Check it out.
I know, I know — it’s incredibly dissatisfying to see them all ready for a brutal splashdown and then pull out, right? Wrong. Trust me, I want these Norwads to turn their spleens into Jell-O as much as the next guy, but if people always got hurt dødsing, there’d be no difference between dødsing and an episode of Ridiculousness (save Chanel West Coast’s laugh that sounds like someone slowed down a chipmunk’s squeak). You need a sport where athletes’ fuckups are more entertaining than them being good at the sport. That keeps it fresh, and gives you something to hope for while you enjoy the sport itself. It’s like NASCAR, except I can appreciate someone who’s good at this Norwegian pastime more than I can appreciate someone who’s good at driving a car. Anyone can drive a car, but it takes a true hero to engage in the art of dødsing.
Reddit user Phunkstar, an experienced dødser, shines some very interesting light on this mysterious sport.
Well, there’s a context where this is natural, let me just say that up front. In the end of the 60’s / beginning of the 70’s, Oslo youth would hang out at the pool where this diving tower is, and the “rebels” would dare each other to do døds to impress the girls, but also to be a counter culture to the more established and more elegant traditional divers. Diving has strict rules and has to be elegant, and Oslo is a divided city in many ways. Working class on the east side, posh people from the west side. Diving was a classical west side activity, along with tennis and golf, and so dødsing was a massive middle finger from the east side boys to show that they could do daring stuff as well, and much cooler. Along the coast of Norway there are also a lot of cliffs that are perfect for jumping so dødsing has spread out of Oslo all over the place and is a typical summer activity for many who are into this sort of thing. Another thing to note is that other there are other diving towers with 10m platforms close by Oslo, and they are not regulated, so there are no rules. People do shit like this because it is fun, and to impress their mates and girls basically.
Dødsing has more of a punk vibe to it, and a “hold-my-beer” sort of attitude. The whole of døds-culture is very tounge-in-cheek that gets lost in this video. This whole competition started when the main organizers, just a group of friends, broke into the pool facility at night, drunk, and held the first “world championships” because a friend in their group has parents born in Iran. The next year they actually threw something more organized together and now it has grown. Thousands of people show up to watch each year and it’s fun to show off in front of people, simple as that.
Thousands of people is fine, but it’d be even more fun to show off in front of the world. Let’s make it happen, IOC. #Dødsing2020.
Image via YouTube