Besides the fact that I get ruthlessly hazed at my internship every day by my terrible bosses, my life is still pretty damn great. Why? Because I’m the rush boobs guy. Tired of going eye-to-eye with sexy sorority girls’ pec bazookas all day, the TFM employees pawned this little task on me a while back. Getting to see topless girls all day for school credit? Yeah…my life is rough.
If you don’t know what rush boobs are, I have some very choice words for you. The words I choose are “virgin,” “benchwarmer,” “shit-for-brains,” and, of course, the aforementioned “moron.” I’ll help you philistines out, though. Rush boobs are sorority girls’ chest beefers, onto which have been transcribed the letters of an all-men’s Greek fraternity for rush purposes. The idea is that a rushee will see the breasts, decide “Wow, this fraternity must be pretty cool, because these titties are killer,” decide to rush, and eventually pledge that fraternity. Flawless logic, and the pinnacle of Greek ingenuity. I mean, who wouldn’t rush a fraternity after seeing these?
Very persuasive, ladies.
What’s the point of all this rush boobs talk, you ask? My response: I’m an American man, and talking about humpty dumplings is one of my favorite pastimes. There’s a point though, too. I’ve spent the last three weeks under mandatory cubicle arrest, during which I was not permitted to leave until I compiled the definitive list of the best rush boobs of 2015. Though I’m not done yet, I’m pretty damn close. I’m well aware that I’m one of the top two most-loved TFM writers (only trailing behind Steve Holt), but I think this piece, my Mona Lisa, will finally jettison me to godlike status.
There’s only one way to find out, though, and there’s also only one place to find out: the CyberDust app.
Not only is CyberDust the perfect app for secretive fraternity communication, it’s also the perfect app for passing along a boatload of photos of scantily-clad sexy college coeds from me to you. Happy New Year.
The best boobs are rush boobs, and “The Best Rush Boobs Of 2015” will be dusted out on CyberDust this week only.
Download CyberDust, add +totalfratmove, and get ready for some titties..