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Diary Of A Father Whose Freshman Daughter Is Attending Her First Rush Party

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Friday, September 5

Dear Diary,

It’s been a while since I’ve written you, but with Sarah entering college this week, I figured the time was as good as any to catch up and put my thoughts down. Although she’s now a young lady and technically not a little girl anymore, she’ll always be my sweet little Sarah. It seems like just yesterday I was dropping her off at kindergarten, with her lunch box in hand and backpack over her tiny shoulders. That thing was as big as she was! I cherish so many memories, like dancing with her at her bat mitzvah and talking her through her first breakup. Now look at her. A college girl. A grown woman. I’m so proud.

These next four years will be a thrilling ride for Sarah. She’ll mature greatly and take in so many new experiences. Such an awesome time for her. As long as she focuses on her books first, and fun second, she’ll do great. I know she will, too. This is one proud dad!

I followed her on this website to keep up with her. I hope I don’t regret it haha!

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I forgot about fraternity parties. Oh boy. Make me proud, Sarah!

Saturday, September 6

Dear Diary,

I’ve been up all night thinking about Sarah going to frat parties. It brings me back to my college days. It’s all flashing before my eyes and much of it is R-rated.

Keep it together, Phil.

I know Sarah is such a responsible, self-respecting young lady, but wild things can happen at those parties. She can’t even legally drink yet, but I’m no dummy. I know she’ll try some alcohol. But we raised her right. She’ll be fine. Gonna check in on Twitter to see what she’s been up to.

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I’ll keep an eye on this character. Shots?! Good luck getting my baby to try shots, Mr. Frockington.

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Yeah! Buzz off!

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Yeah right, pal. Sarah isn’t the type to go after losers like you who hit on anything that walks. She’s a lady. And too good for you! All is quiet in Sarah’s world now, at least according to Twitter. She hasn’t posted anything since 6 o’clock. I hope that means she skipped the frat party and decided on a low key night in! Fingers crossed.

Saturday, September 6

Dear Diary,

This is my second entry of the day. It’s now 10pm. Sarah DIDN’T stay in last night. She DIDN’T have a low key night at all. In fact, she DID go to a fraternity party and apparently is now acquainted with this Dan Frockington. My nightmares are now my reality. What I’d give to be a fly on the wall of that house. Then again, it may lead to me killing either this Frockington kid or myself if I witnessed that party.

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Oh come on.

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No it’s fucking NOT! Who does this kid think he is? I bet Mr. and Mrs. Frockington are real proud of this pervert. He’s probably a senior who’s preying on freshman girls. I hate this little fuck! CALM DOWN PHIL.

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Either this is a bad dream or my life is caving in on me. What did I do to deserve this? Am I being punished for something? Is my Sarah really going to see this fraternity monster? What the FUCK is going on? We had dinner with her last week and talked about grades, life goals, her major, dormitories, and textbooks and shit. Now she’s online flirting with a titty-sucking pervert. God, kill me now so I don’t have to see anymore of this.

Monday, September 8

Dear Diary,

I’ve had some time to cool down since the last time I posted. Did I overreact? Sure. Do I regret it? A little, yeah. I didn’t actually see any proof that Sarah slept with Frockington. They were only flirting on the internet. That’s fairly harmless. Right? I have to believe in my little girl. Like I already said, her mother and I raised her right. We taught her to respect herself and make sound decisions. I trust you, Sarah.

Thankfully, all is quiet on the Twitter front.

Friday, September 12

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Dear Diary,

Sarah is back at it on and I can’t help but notice the rather ominous theme in her posts. If I know my Sarah like I know I do, she’s worried, and she’s stressed. And because she is, now I’m worried and stressed. When my baby hurts, I hurt. I just hope she’s okay. Oh, and she’s talking to my favorite shittiest person on earth, Dan Frockington. This just can’t be good.

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Dillon Cheverere

Dillon Cheverere (@DCheverere) is the Vice President of Media for Grandex, Inc. Email:

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