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President Obama was at a Nevada fundraiser last night held by publisher and president of the Las Vegas Sun, Brian Greenspun. Pretty standard shit: formal wear, tiny toothpick hors d’oeuvre platters, and Barry being paraded around to hold brief, trivial banter with those who paid top dollar to get in. Surely riveting conversations full of shallow, topical subject matter like “What do you make of this Tom Brady fellow and his deflated balls?” — Obama slowly dying a little inside with each uncomfortable, forced laugh, all in the name of a cause near and dear to our loyal readers’ hearts: the Democratic Party.
Did I lose you yet? No? Really? Good. Stick with me. You’ll enjoy the direction this goes in.
So, why am I keeping you up to date on Barack casually sipping on some vodka martinis and verbally stroking off liberal-driven lobbyists? Well, he started off the event with the story about the last time he was with Greenspun, last November, on the the golf course. The two were joined by retired New York Yankee great and gift basket-giving guru, Derek Jeter. Barry claims “The Captain” straight up hustled him out of cold hard cash on the links.
“He and Derek Jeter stole money from me at Shadow Creek,” Obama said of Greenspun, referring to the course in North Las Vegas. “It was clearly a set up, because when we got to the practice range, he was shanking balls everywhere. I said, ‘You play golf Derek?’ And he said, ‘I just started 2 weeks ago.’”
They gave Jeter 30 strokes, Obama said, but he realized that was a mistake as soon as they were on the first hole. Jeter crushed him, he said
“We had to take a picture of me handing Derek Jeter money at the end of the game. Despite that, Brian is a great friend.”
No man notorious for rocking cargos to the course should ever be laying 30 strokes. I don’t care how bad someone looks on the range, that’s a cocky ass move for a dude that “strives to be an 18 handicap.” I can see how it all went down: Jeter launching his first drive down the middle of the fairway and completely tongue-in-cheek going “Where’d that come from?” followed by snide remarks like “Just getting all the luck today” or “I swear this never happens” after each shot in route to his slaughter of the president. I wonder if he at least sent Barry home packing with some autographed memorabilia and hand crafted soaps like he does for all of his slams? Either way, I respect the hell out of Jeter’s hustle..
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