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Date Function Options

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Date Function Options

Date functions can be a nice change from the usual social pairing with a sorority. There are usually two reactions from brothers when said function is announced at chapter. The first reaction: a collective groan from the brothers shackled down by their girlfriends. Try not to fall into this category. The other: a look of excitement in the single brothers’ eyes as they mentally flip through their date options.

The Ex Girlfriend

This option is a double-edged sword. Pros? She’s an easy go-to. To lock her up as a date you probably don’t need to put in much work. A simple text will probably suffice. An obvious pro is that you will pretty much guarantee yourself some post-function action. Cons? Let’s be real, there is a fucking reason that you two aren’t together. Stirring up old feelings by hooking up will prove to be nothing but trouble. Try not to forget that she keyed your car a couple months back. In short, stay away from the crazy bitch.

The Hookup/Slampiece

This option can become more of a complicated situation than you may imagine, for a variety of reasons. Pros? Your slam has not reached the honored status of relationship official. Therefore, the two of you are still a tornado of fun, drunken debauchery. Your night will begin with the two of you downing a fifth of some fruity vodka/mixer concoction (whiskey ginger if your girl is a champ) at the pregame, and then you will stumble your way to the bar. You will most likely find yourself back at the frat house to end the night. Cons? If this function is not your typical grab-a-date (i.e. date dash), it will inevitably lead your semi-casual hook up into a more “Where is this going?” direction. This may end your fun filled and sex driven adventure with a serious conversation about feelings you don’t have and a relationship you don’t want.

The “Deal Sealer”

She’s in a good sorority and is a solid option. You two have drunkenly sung Journey to each other at the end of the night on numerous occasions, but for some reason you have yet to seal the deal (her annoying pledge sister that you have already hooked up with keeps cockblocking). Pros? She’s new and exciting. You two have talked a bit at the bars, and the conversation will not be awkward. You will find yourself convincing her to take liquid cocaine shots with you until you two are as drunk as the homeless man on 5th street. The night will hopefully end in success as you finally get away from her annoying pledge sister that just won’t move on. Cons? There shouldn’t be any, so fucking ask her already.

The Set Up

Congratulations, you shot yourself in the foot enough times last semester to need a fresh start. This is most likely because your Barnum and Bailey’s juggling act collapsed on itself. They all found out about each other. This leaves you at the starting block. You eventually have to give in to this reality and ask your brother to have his girlfriend hook you up with one of her sisters. Pros? Obviously it’s a fresh start. Your reputation (hopefully) does not precede you. This girl will be hot, dressed to impress, and will bring her A-game to the function. Your brother’s girlfriend has talked you up, and your date will be ready to showcase herself. Cons? If this girl sucks you may be on the fast track to black out city. There is nothing more annoying than being set up with a girl who is awkward. You’ll end up at the cash bar throwing back beers just waiting for the buses to come back and drop you off downtown. This has the potential to end with you violating the servers and/or requesting Wagon Wheel 30 minutes into the function (about 3 or 4 hours too early in the night).

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