Hey Dan, we get it, man. We get it. Your life doesn’t suck. I realize part of your schtick is photographing all the awesome shit you do to post it on social media so we can see all the awesome shit you do. And I really do enjoy all the photos of you surrounded by beautiful, naked women, hanging out on PJs, firing fully automatic weapons in the desert, and hiding behind a mountain of casino chips. That’s all good, good stuff, and those photos are a big reason for your popularity right now.
But dude, you’ve crossed the line. How dare you flaunt Selter right in my face like this. You knew I’d see this photo. You knew it. I swear if you touched one hair on her head…
— Dan Bilzerian (@DanBilzerian) August 10, 2014
Enough is enough, Dan. Save some cool shit for the rest of us. What was wrong with that blonde number on the right? The one with the Hindenburgs… You couldn’t have gone after her instead of Jen? Oh wait. What am I talking about? You probably did, because you’re a greedy, greedy man. Whatever.
I thought we developed a good rapport back when I interviewed you. I guess I was wrong.
P.S. Jen, you broke my heart.
P.P.S. Happy 21st, babe (if you even care anymore).