Tinder is one of the most innovative apps of the first half of the decade and has caught on like wildfire among younger millennials. For all the people who “don’t see the point,” “could never do that,” or outright think it’s “gross,” there are still estimated to be upwards of 50 million monthly users. So if you’re not scoring the matches, it’s definitely not for a lack of fish in the sea.
Many people offer strategies for getting more right swipes and come up with one-liners and gimmicks to try to turn matches into actual meetups. The results are sometimes successful, more often disastrous, and usually downright hysterical.
The reality is just like in real life: even though girls on Tinder share universal commonalities, they don’t all fit the same mold (and they certainly all like to think of themselves as unique). Consequently, your approach shouldn’t be the same for hitting up each of your matches. So stop focusing on which generic opener is going to garner the most responses and think bigger than that. It’s not about one word, one line, or one conversation. It’s about a system. Specifically, it’s about the D.E.N.N.I.S. system.
I’m not going to tell you how to set up your profile. Any Golden God knows how to pick pictures and craft a bio that makes him appear worthy of a right swipe. But hopefully, the advice of Mr. Reynolds can help you turn these matches into some good, old-fashioned Tinder romps (and, just as important, teach you how to handle it afterwards). I’m not reinventing the wheel here. I’m simply taking some lessons from the D.E.N.N.I.S. system and applying them to the Tinder Age.
D – Demonstrate Value
Part of demonstrating value comes from your photos and your bio, but that’s just to lure Tinderellas in. Now you have an empty conversation bubble staring you in the face and, like an artist with a blank canvas, you must whip up a masterpiece from scratch.
Skip the hellos and the introductions. You’re never guaranteed a response, but opening with “Hey” is about as vanilla as it gets, and the whole idea behind demonstrating value is setting yourself apart from every other jabroni with a Tinder. At the other end of the spectrum, coming on too strong right from the outset is a bad look as well. “D” doesn’t stand for “Desperate,” and, believe it or not, most girls don’t think that your D has much value (yet) — so definitely don’t start with that.
The way to set yourself apart is not “hi,” it’s not your member, and it’s definitely not some blanket pickup line, but rather it’s something that has your specific target in mind. To do this, you must read her bio. I know that seems like an annoying step, but no one ever said this would be easy.
Read (or at least skim) her bio and formulate an opening that portrays you as someone compatible with her. Glean what you can from her age, school, city, how much she enjoys traveling, and whatever the fuck else she lists and roughly try to sketch out in your head what her Mr. Right looks like.
Then, to the best of your ability, mold yourself into this Mr. Right.
Start out by emphasizing what you’ve pinpointed as what she values most and use it as a common ground. This might involve a little research, but usually a cursory Google search will give you way more than what you need here. Be sure also to subtly hint at other “shared” interests throughout the conversation. Try and put your own spin on them so she doesn’t connect the dots and see through you.
After a riveting conversation about all the things she loves and how much you love them, you’ve successfully demonstrated your value. Now, you must ask her out. She might be a little apprehensive about this step, but after you’ve established so much common ground and hopefully made yourself seem non-threatening, she’s more likely to go for the meetup.
Note: Not all bios are comprehensive, and not all girls have bios. Identify what you can from pictures as well, but if her profile lacks any discernible information, then, and only then, do you have my blessing to use a cheesy, flattering pickup line. Think of this as a last resort, though.
E – Engage Physically
God bless the ones that do, but very few girls are going to invite you over for “Tex-Mex and Sex” right away. More likely, they’ll want to go on a first date of some sort.
This doesn’t have to be as painful as it sounds. Most girls understand that dudes our age are usually busy and broke, so it’s not as if they’re expecting the world here. Usually you can go grab coffee or Chipotle or something cheap and relatively quick and that will totally suffice these days.
Engage physically throughout the date by gently touching her arm or grazing her leg and be careful to note her reactions. If they’re positive, that’s a good sign. In this case, try to extend the date a bit by going somewhere a little more private. Not totally secluded, because that will come off as rapey, but somewhere that PDA isn’t going to get you a thousand stares.
This is the most critical juncture: the time where you make your move. Find a place to sit and talk and then lean in and go for the kiss. After a few minutes of going at it, invite her back to your place to watch something that you both like (something you should find out on the date). Insist vehemently that you actually intend to watch it. Spoiler: you’re not going to watch past the first 20 minutes.
Again, there are no guarantees, but if you’ve done everything right thus far, she’ll be much more inclined to say yes.
N – Nurture Dependence
Now that you’ve done the deed with your latest Tinder conquest, you’re pretty much in the driver’s seat. She’s shown her hand at this point, and she’s going to keep talking to you because of the rapport you’ve established, but also because she doesn’t like to think she does one night stands.
It’s your job to keep her talking. Keep up the charming façade for ten days to two weeks, really going out of your way to be extra sweet and adorable. Meet up again if you’re looking for a fling, but otherwise keep it to texting during this time.
Really nurture that dependence, though. Don’t go so far as slashing tires or making angry phone calls under the guise of a demonic neighbor like Dennis, but do be accessible, vulnerable, and available in this window. Hint at potential meetups (while never agreeing to anything concrete) and maybe even a future together if you’re feeling really ambitious.
The point here is that girls love to feel needed, so make her feel just that. Agree to watch the same movie at the same time and then don’t even watch it, but text her “haha” every once in a while. As long as she thinks you’re watching together, she’ll feel happy that you’re “spending time with her.”
N – Neglect Emotionally
The next step of this system seems backwards. You need to neglect this Tinder girl emotionally by slamming your foot on the brakes of the love train on which you’re taking her for a ride.
Dead fish some of her texts, and, when you do choose to respond, do so in a colder, more distant manner. No more movies or cutesy stuff, and if she asks what’s up, act like you have no idea what she’s referring to. Continue this for about a week.
The purpose of this step is to make her realize how much she wants you in her life — the consequence of all the dependence that you spent the last several days nurturing. It’s pivotal to strike a balance between laying off enough to make her miss you and saying enough so that she doesn’t move on entirely. The more dependence you’ve fostered, the harder it will be to move on, so judge accordingly.
I – Inspire Hope
This part is where artistry comes into play. Spin a sad sob story that either significantly plays up or entirely fabricates a hardship in your life and attribute your recent changes to whatever you decide it will be. She will see this as the ultimate act of vulnerability if you really get detailed and allow yourself to “open up” to her.
Ask if you can meet up again and talk in person about your troubles since she’s “one of the few people you feel comfortable letting into your world” something stupid like that. She’ll almost undoubtedly say yes.
Meet up at your place or hers, talk it out, and enjoy the best sex of all now that she thinks you’re hers. She’ll likely be more than willing because she should feel a stronger connection to you than ever before.
S – Separate Entirely
Cut off all contact. Unmatch her on Tinder for sure, block her number if you feel so compelled, and unfollow her her on all social media (if you added her for whatever reason).
This step is much easier done if you have no mutual friends with her. In fact, I’m going to go ahead and say this system should be used very judiciously if you have any connections with the target. Make sure those people are either not very close with her or are people whose opinions 1) you care little about and 2) are irrelevant to anyone whose opinion of you matters.
It’s best if everything goes down at her house so she doesn’t know where you live. After all, you can’t slink away into the night like a true D.E.N.N.I.S. poster boy unless you’re at her place to begin with.
Despite the evident perfection of this system, a 100% success guarantee would be a bald-faced lie. Some girls don’t meet up on Tinder at all, others have strict “no-sex on the first date” rules, and others still will not become attached enough for this to work. All in all, Tinder is viewed as a somewhat sketchy medium, and thus many girls will be very skeptical throughout.
But more than any other strategy or scheme to get down with a girl from Tinder, this has proven to be the most successful. The tried and true D.E.N.N.I.S. system has withstood both the tests of time and new technology, and is a key weapon in any five-star man’s Tinder arsenal..
Image via YouTube