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Country Fan Refuses To Stop Raging After Being Struck By Lightning

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Want to know how much Gage Stroening likes country music? A real fucking lot, that’s how much. And he wants everyone to know it.

While prepping to rage his face off with the likes of Florida Georgia Line and Brad Paisley at a four-day country music fest in Wisconsin, Stroening was hanging with friends when he was struck by a thunderous bolt of lightning that could have only come from Zeus himself. Did almost being burnt to a crisp like the hot pockets they serve at Night Moves Erotic Dance Club in Indiana stop him from continuing to party? Fuck no, it didn’t.

Witnesses rushed to help Stroening, who had been thrown off his feet and had begun seizing. Now, I’m not a scientist or anything, but I’m pretty sure the uncontrollable spasms were due to the 30,000 amps of electricity that just passed through his body like a black cup of coffee on a Monday morning. Doubtful that it was because of the pure excitement Gage had when he realized the Randy Houser pit passes he bought were unharmed.

Medics urged the 19-year-old to immediately go to the hospital. But no, the mighty man that is Gage Stroening said fuck it and then went on to shotgun a can of Natty Light while humming our country’s national anthem. Then he listed the things he’d do to Dorn’s mom, forever earning the nickname Gage the Rage…and Mr. Dorn’s mom.

[Editor’s Note: While we can’t accurately confirm or deny the specific set of events described in the paragraph above, we can say Dorn’s mom was in attendance. Knowing her reputation–well, you can come to your own conclusions on what happened.]

When asked why he didn’t immediately go to the hospital, Gage said, “I had to see Carrie Underwood.” That makes sense, because…I would.

While Gage did eventually go to the hospital for a short total of four hours, he immediately headed back to continue the fun with his friends for the remainder of the festival.

Let this be a story of inspiration to you all. If the legend, Gage Stroening, can continue to party for four days straight after getting manhandled by electrostatic discharge, then there is no excuse to not get blackout drunk with your brothers on a random Wednesday night.

Keep on raging, Gage. This next beer’s for you. And can someone get this kid an ice pack? He just got struck by a fucking bolt of lightning for God’s sake.

[via Daily Mail]

Image via YouTube

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Jordan Gershowitz

Jordan is a writer living in a small yet overpriced apartment in NYC. He can always be found in his favorite pair of topsiders, even though he doesn't own a yacht (yet). He may not always be right, but he's never wrong and he also knows that finishing an entire book doesn't prove anything. He could eat cereal for every meal, but doesn't...because you know...carbs. For angry tweets about the state of IU basketball follow him @jordangersh

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