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Cornell Cancels Lacrosse Season Due To Depraved Hazing

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Cornell, a university that is sort of at Ivy League level and is best known for people jumping off of rocks to their doom at an alarming rate, recently announced that they cancelled the rest of the men’s lacrosse team’s fall season due to team hazing. Cornell is less of a joke when it comes to lacrosse, going 14-4 last spring and only losing to eventual champions Duke in the semi-finals of the NCAA tournament, so one would think that the allegations against the team would be unspeakable.

According to a report posted on Cornell’s hazing website, freshmen were expected to perform menial tasks and other duties for upperclassmen. The report says the team held a party featuring a “key race,” during which freshmen were challenged to drink large amounts of beer in a competition against other team members. College officials say the freshmen were made to stand in a circle and drink beer to the point where “multiple members vomited.”


These “lax bros” don’t mess around, do they! Menial tasks? Drinking contests? As a fraternity man, this level of depravity is difficult to believe. It’s a good thing Cornell stepped in to put an end to the madness. Everyone knows that cleaning the house the morning after a party or chugging beer are both gateway hazes. This slippery slope only ends in one place, and that place is wherever people do elephant walks.

More than ever, I’m glad I pledged a fraternity instead of playing a sport. It feels great to be a part of a non-hazing organization where new members are respected and appreciated.

Shame on you, Cornell “lax bros.” Shame on you.

[via ESPN]

Image via Wikipedia


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I used to write for TFM and PGP when they were funny.

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