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I’m not personally into grandmother pissing contests. Yeah, there might be some freaks out there that want to say “my grandma is better than yours” or “my grandma is a badass,” but I’ve seen them all and that’s simply not me. I know firmly that my grandmother, bless her heart, is a solid second-place finisher for the Granny of the Year award. This alleged drug-smuggling granny out of Phoenix is top of the line.
From ABC 15:
“Cheryl Cheatham, 63, flew from Las Vegas to Detroit last week with the cocaine individually bagged in two separate pieces of luggage, according to federal court paperwork.
Federal officers saw Cheatham look at several different bags at the baggage claim at the Detroit airport and began watching her, the complaint said. After she went to a Detroit-area hotel, but didn’t check in and instead left in a chauffeured SUV, police stopped the vehicle, the complaint said.
Investigators’ suspicions were piqued again when Cheatham asked to call her daughter once in custody, but Cheatham dialed a contact on her cell phone labeled ‘Loverboy,’ a prosecutor testified.”
Alright, let’s unpack the story first. Then, the cocaine.
Cheatham is clearly a rookie at this drug smuggling business and potentially being a frequent flyer, too. First, I’m pretty sure cocaine isn’t supposed to fly FROM Vegas TO anywhere else in the world. What kind of shitty drug dealers are you running with, grandma?
Also, from the report, it sounds like police were tipped off when she couldn’t find what bag she hid the $500,000 worth of cocaine in. Can you imagine if she grabbed the wrong bag and you got hers?
Let’s not forget that Cheatham has got some early-stage cornrow/braids shit going on, too.
The best part is that Cheatham is trying to finish the job even after being nabbed. I imagine “Loverboy” is a 50-year-old Mexican drug cartel runner who schmoozed over this sexy 63-year-old. It’s also possible, however, that “Loverboy” and her daughter are the same person.
I just hope the cocaine is okay..
[via ABC 15]