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Front yard pong is the best kind of pong. Fresh air. Ample room for dunks. Shouting “This shot is for youuu!” at female joggers. Also, it’s impossible to jump off the roof and drop a flying elbow onto the table if it’s stuck indoors. That’s why this city councilman’s plan to abolish front yard pong tables at houses near the University of Colorado is so heinous.
City Councilman Andrew Shoemaker hopes to pass the ordinance in University Hill, a town right next to the University of Colorado where many students reside. If the legislation goes into effect, it would be similar to the city’s current ban on leaving upholstered furniture in the front yard, which costs $100 for a first offense.
But why, Shoemaker? WHY?
From Daily Camera:
“You drive through the Hill in the spring or the fall, you see them. You see them laying out all winter,” the councilman said in an interview Thursday. “What I’m talking about is getting these things out of the yard.”
I guess the uptight, non-college student neighbors are complaining that the pong tables are unsightly and cause people to leave a mess of cans lying around. Typical tree-hugging Coloradans.
First they strip these well-meaning young people of their front yard couches, and now they want to take away their pong tables? Ridiculous. I hate these goddamn neighborhood codes. People should be able to put whatever they want in their front yards. It’s their hard-earned property. If you want to lounge on a sofa out there, then you shouldn’t be fined for it. If you want to set up a pong table, then that’s your prerogative. If you want to erect a fountain statue of Ronald Reagan urinating in Putin’s gaping asshole, then by all means, you should be able to build that beauty 20 feet tall. This is America, dammit.
It’s time for the people of University Hill to fight for their rights. As an act of protest, round up as many tables as you can find, squeeze them onto every available inch of your lawn, and hold the biggest pong tourney the University of Colorado has ever seen. Then send us the results..
[via Daily Camera]
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Alex Buscemi
AKA Boosh. Former high school back-up wide receiver. Author of two pretty successful Reddit comments. Recent grad from the University of South Carolina.
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“When the day arrives as such the tyranny of councilmen is imposed upon our freedoms rights and pong tbales is the day we shall band together and fight till death.” – Abraham Lincoln
I think the school should be less concerned about policing harmless beer pong games and care more about students dropping acid and white water rafting
Councilman GDI of Boulder, Colorado
This is also apart of the University of Colorado’s movement to “clean up their image”. They have already stopped the 4/20 rally on campus and are dishing out harsher punishments for house parties around campus. Apparently CU Boulder thinks students are attending their school just for the parties opposed to academics. While they are right about that, it’s still bullshit they are cracking down so hard.
Yeah, CU loves to jerk itself to the thought of having a party-free public image, yet it does nothing to address the fact that we have an 88% acceptance rate among applicants.
I’ve played maybe 5 games of pong since I got to Boulder. It’s all about the beer die
That’s so frat. So college
Protesting anti-debauchery rules with debauchery. TFM
We have certain inalienable rights. Life. Liberty. And the pursuit of happiness.- Thomas Jefferson. Fuck you hippies and fuck Liberal America.
Give the dude some legal and I’m sure he’ll be more relaxed about it
“Let the [underage] boys play!” -Dorn
Clarification: the tables are for beer die. Only the GDI’s play pong outside in Boulder.
Not doing this nonsense in Canada, I expect less from Colorado.
Go Rams