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Colleges Are Handing Out eSports Scholarships Now Because Nerds Have Taken Over

colleges esports scholarships

For decades, if you weighed 300 lbs or more you had a limited number of options when it came to athletic college scholarships.

1) You could plant your ass on an offensive or defensive line

2) If you don’t mind the occasional accidental ball graze, you could join the wrestling team

3) If you are trying to put in the absolute bare minimum, then shot put is a viable option

But now, universities are giving out scholarships to play video games. I’m not talking about fly-by-night online schools or community colleges, either; Schools like UC Berkeley and Robert Morris are offering up their shares of $7 million in scholarship dollars that’s currently spread across 46 nationwide programs. To make matters worse, expert projections say that by the end of the 2018 school year, the number of programs could more than double.

I cannot believe this shit. I spent my entire youth playing basketball only to have my dreams of competing at the collegiate level and beyond crushed (apparently there isn’t a lot of scholarship money allocated for picking up 5’10” white guys from third tier suburban Ohio high schools). If I had instead been spending all of that time in my basement playing video games, I may have cut my student loans in half and been knee-deep in eSports groupie sloots in the process. My mom wouldn’t call me lazy for spending hours on my Xbox anymore, either; she would have to recognize my sheer athleticism and my incessant training for what they are.

I’m writing this for the geeks, the overweight, and the uncoordinated. For those who have been terrorized by gym teachers and team captains. For those who are thrown into episodes of PTSD anytime they hear the words “physical education.” Grab your keyboard, your mouse, your controller, and stand tall. Ignore the disappointed looks from your dad. You have the opportunity to become a collegiate athlete now. It won’t be long before you are larger than life on ESPN 3 at 2 a.m. on a Wednesday. Now start your training and aim for the national championship or whatever the hell it is they compete for, you fucking dorks.

[via U.S. News & World Report]

Image via Shutterstock

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Mike Hale

“Just remember, we are all boys grown tall.” -Supreme Court Justice Hugo Black

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