News

College Student Steals Man’s Credit Card, Goes Skydiving, Gets The Video, Gets Caught

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skydiving credit card

From The New York Post:

A Brooklyn couple vying for a spot on “World’s Dumbest Criminals” stole a credit card and used it to pay for a thrill-seeking adventure — including a video of the experience that led to their arrest, police said.

What’s more thrilling than a skydiving adventure? How about a bit of criminal activity that pays for the thrilling skydiving adventure? That’s way more of a rush than some lame duck free fall from 12,000 feet. Besides, everyone and their mother goes skydiving these days; it’s not even special anymore. If 80% of white chicks have done it, then it can’t be that awe-inspiring. It’s almost the same as visiting Machu Picchu – it’s supposed to be a really unique experience, but every girl under 30 has somehow already been there. What I’m saying is that the skydiving experience has been watered down; it’s simply not as adventurous as it once was.

So I totally get why college student Abass Ibrahim and his girlfriend Maryam Burkes wanted to break the law before going skydiving. They just wanted to spice things up; raise the stakes. It’s the same reason why drinking at bars when you’re 20 beats drinking at them when you’re 21. It’s the illegality of it. Not only are you not supposed to be drinking, but you’re out there doing it right in everyone’s faces. You’re pinballing around the dance floor, vomiting on the curb, and sleeping in a bush — all right out in the open. You’re a law-breaking vampire walking around at 1:00 p.m. daring the sun to melt you. We’ve all done it, and it’s the greatest.

And this dude Ibrahim is no different. In fact, he’s the best of us. He’s a bold, law-breaking, cocky son-of-a-bitch, and he’s going to take his chances. At the beginning of the video, the guy filming asks Ibrahim if he “likes risk.” Ibrahim responds with a smile. “Yeah, I take risks.” What a sly fucker. Could he have been more confident? “Do I take risks? LOL! Do you take credit cards?”

Now that he’s been arrested, everyone is crushing him for being so stupid as to get the deluxe video package, which lead to his arrest. But I say give the man a goddamn break. Of course he got the video package! What kind of a fucking loser goes skydiving and doesn’t get the video package? And remember, it was on the house; shit was charged to some random dude’s card. Let’s see, I can have any skydiving package I want… Do I want the basic zero-media dirt package, or the deluxe? The choice is clear. And, most importantly, he was with his chick. You know there was zero shot in hell that this girl was about to fall from an airplane and land back on Earth without something to post to her Insta. Ibrahim never had a choice.

The crazy thing is that the cops have had the video of them since June and somehow skydiving Bonnie and Clyde evaded capture until now. That has to be the shoddiest police work of all time. And how did the police finally track them down and subdue them? Ibrahim and Burkes saw themselves on ABC and turned themselves in.

From The New York Post:

For them to use a stolen credit card for skydiving, then get the video-and-photo package, it was certainly brazen,” said Suffolk Police Chief Stuart Cameron. “Not only do you see their pictures, but you hear them speak and see their mannerisms, which made it much easier to identify them.

Yeah, except you didn’t identify them, Stuart; they turned themselves in. And what the hell is Stu talking about — identifying suspects through their mannerisms?

Stuart: “Can you describe the man who robbed you?”
Victim: “He was about 6 feet tall, and had a very distinct tattoo on his — ”
Stuart: “No, dammit! I mean did he have any mannerisms?”
Victim: “…”
Stuart: “Did he tap his fingers, wiggle his toes? Do you have ANYTHING to help us ID the bastard!?”

The final piece of this story is that while the high-flying duo turned themselves in, they’re pleading not guilty. It’s a ballsy move.

“Hey, detective! I saw myself on ABC News and figured I’d turn myself in before this gets out of hand. Oh, also, I didn’t do it.”

“You know we have video and a picture of you, right?”

“Sure, but I’m a risk taker. I skydive all the time. How could you possibly prove that the picture you have of me is from Skydive Long Island, and not me skydiving somewhere else?”

*Sees watermark*

“Oh…”

While I’m 99% sure these parachuting bandits will be found guilty, there is a silver lining. If Ibrahim and Burkes had stolen the credit card and bought a car, they’d lose the car. If they bought a TV, they’d lose the TV. But nobody can ever take the couples’ skydiving trip from them. It’s like the saying goes: “Don’t spend your money on things; spend them on experiences.” And since they got the deluxe video package, they can relive their experience whenever the hell they want. Stew on that, video package haters.

[via The New York Post]

Image via Shutterstock

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Rnewtonblock

Stand-up Comic NYC, Founder, Dead Jesters Sketch Comedy Podcast on iTunes

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