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College Does Not Suck

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Ah, college. Cheap booze, cheaper hookups, and almost unlimited free time makes it the highlight of many a young person’s life. Hell, one of the best parts of going back to grad school for me was the ability to relive it all over again.

You’ll understand, then, my reaction when sites like LifeHacker write “The Suckiest Things About College.” I think to myself, “class?” “group assignments?” or “having responsibilities before 2pm?” before scrolling through and seeing a bunch of nonsense.

1. “It can be hard to make friends”

Well of course – that’s why I paid for mine! Seriously though, does it amuse anyone else that while website after website derides Greek life, especially certain sister websites to LifeHacker, they then complain about it supposedly being difficult to make friends?

College is the ideal time to make friends. You take a bunch of 18-year-olds who don’t know anyone else, throw them all in the exact same situation, and friendships are inevitable. There are so many groups on campus, ranging from Greek life to club sports to book clubs or whatever the hell else you’re interested in that it’s probably harder to not find someone with similar interests.

2. “Dating, relationships, and sex won’t be what you expect.”

In short, because they will be absolutely beyond your wildest dreams. LifeHacker talks about breakups being hard, which is hardly something exclusive to college, and again harps on the difficulty of meeting people, which is complete nonsense. In college, my fat friend who didn’t shower often enough was still getting laid regularly and we didn’t even have Tinder.

Parties will be ever-present, girls will invite you to their apartments to “study,” and as much as the media wants to scare you, you won’t get raped and you won’t be raping anyone. If you go down the dark path and get a girlfriend, it’ll be cool because she’ll have her own friend group so you won’t get sick of each other and there will always be things for the two of you to do so you won’t get bored. If there is any time in life ideal for dating, relationships, and especially sex, it is college.

3. “No one cares if you study.”

How is not having your mom harp on you about your homework a negative? If you have to study for a class, do it. If you don’t, don’t do it. Outside of a handful of majors, college is pretty damn easy. Think back on your GPA – did you get a bad grade because the shit was hard or did you get a bad grade because you were shitfaced?

No one micromanages the rest of your life, either. If you suck ass as work, you’ll be fired. If you suck ass at home, you’ll get divorced. If you suck at being a friend, your boys won’t invite you out anymore. Take care of your own shit and don’t expect someone to nanny you through life.

4. ”No one cares about your finances.”

And why would they? You don’t need a fancy app to make sure your bank account has money in it. All you need is a base level of personal responsibility. Chances are your rent at the dorms is paid in advance and your food is taken care of by your meal plan.

When you spend too much money at the bar, figure out a way to get more. If you need to call home for some cash, you do it. If you need to take out student loans, you do it. If you need a part time job for beer money, you do it. This shit isn’t rocket science.

5. “You’ll get homesick.”

No, you won’t. You’ll go home one or two times a semester for breaks or to do some laundry while giving your liver a breather. You’ve been living with your parents every day of your life for 18 years. You can manage a couple months without them. If your mom is anything like mine was, she’ll be texting, calling, and spamming your social media accounts more times than you can count anyhow.

Beyond that, you’re not going to stay in touch with some of your high school friends and you’re definitely not going to still be dating your high school girlfriend. This isn’t the sad moment that people hugged themselves over at high school graduation. This is just life and you deal with it.

6. “Your plans will change.”

And this is a good thing. College is the perfect time to get drunk, get laid, and have a blast, but it’s also when you figure your shit out. Part of that is trying different things, having different internships, and switching your major about seven times. If you can’t handle your “life plan” changing a bit, you need to relax.

College isn’t all fun and games, sure, and I don’t know how you deal with some of the nonsense like “microaggressions” and “triggering” you’re taught these days, but the only real way college will suck is if you do. Don’t be socially awkward, don’t have a victim mentality when it comes to class and your bank account, and don’t stress the small stuff.

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I used to write for TFM and PGP when they were funny.

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