College Basketball Player’s Last Name Is “Fuck,” And He’s Finally Being Allowed To Use It

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Image via Medicine Hat College

A Canadian college basketball player named Guy Carbagiale Fuck was, until recently, deprived the basic human right of going by his last name. Fuck is No. 14 pictured above.

…for the past two years, Guy Carbagiale Fuck has been asked by his coaches to, literally, drop the f-bomb and go by “Guy Carbagiale” on the roster.

Fuck is a Brazilian born student at Medicine Hat College, whose surname is pronounced “Foo-key.” Mr. Fuck says his name is German in origin, and actually means “fox.” In all honesty, Carbagiale might actually be worse than Fuck. I would opt for Fuck. Carbagiale sounds like some kind of hipster sweater, like a cardigan made from granola extracts and hemp.

“It’s my last name, I’m proud of it. Doesn’t matter if it means something bad,” Fuck said.

Reporters asked Fuck if he has considered changing his last name, and he basically replied, “Fuck no, you can fuck off and kiss my fucking ass.” Well, not really, but he fucking should’ve.

“No, no, no, I want to have kids, I want to spread the Fuck last name,” Fuck said.

The real issue here, in my opinion, is that there’s a college in Canada named Medicine Hat. Clearly, these fucking Canadians don’t respect the establishment of higher learning. Medicine Hat? Some Canadian was probably stoned off his ass and decided to brainstorm names for a college with his buddies.

“Yeah, I mean, yeah, founding a college sounds tight as fuck. But what do we call it, man?”

“Uh, Zebra, uh — Zebra Pelt?”

“Nah, man.” *rips joint* “What about, like, Hat. Like…Medicine Hat.”

“Bro. Yes.”

Anyway, since Fuck and his team made it to the Canadian Canadian Collegiate Athletic Association men’s basketball championships (LOLOLOLOL) in March, he’s finally being allowed to go by his real last name in the paper. Before that, the city’s local newspaper was asked to just use his first and middle name in stories about the team, which is just fucked up.

[via CBC News]

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Ross Bolen

Ross Bolen is a New York Times Bestselling author, host of the Oysters, Clams & Cockles podcast, host of the Back Door Cover podcast, Rockets, Astros and Texans internet mascot, cheese enchilada aficionado, nap god, 2017 Masters attendee, and Editor-in-Chief of Grandex Media.

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