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Current Events Names The Trashiest Spring Break Destinations Of 2013

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There is no class during Spring Break, and that is true in more ways than one. Scenic beaches are littered with Natty cans and spilt seed. Unspeakably poor decisions threaten all the bright futures blacking out under the even brighter tropical sun. Someone ends up dancing on a table at a party being thrown in a Mexican drug lord’s Cabo San Lucas estate as Cartel bosses leer silently behind mirrored sunglasses. The list goes on and on, really. This is all to say that there really isn’t a “classy” Spring Break to be had, unless you go build a house in Honduras or something I guess.

Even if you spend your week in the Côte d’Azur, you’re still going to be drinking an obscene amount and conquering French vagina like it’s, well, French. You don’t even need to talk to them, everyone knows that particular language barrier is like a sexual Maginot Line, just go around it and you’re in. The point is, even if you are somewhere classy, that doesn’t mean you are classy. A hobo doesn’t walk into the Ritz and transform into Mr. Monopoly. He walks into the Ritz, pees in a plant, and is promptly thrown out.

So when ranking the trashiest Spring Break destinations, I have to assume that a fair amount of consideration is given to the popularity of that destination. After all, more Spring Breakers means a higher volume of horrible behavior.

The editors base their rankings on past Spring Break cred factors such as Girls Gone Wild shoots; prevalence of Hooters restaurants, tattoo parlors, liquor stores and strip clubs; and laws pertaining to open containers and drinking establishment closing times.

Most of those make sense to me, except for the “prevalence of Hooters.” If you go to Hooters on Spring Break you’re failing miserably. The entire beach is a Hooters, just with more chlamydia.

Either way, here are the top 15 trashiest Spring Break destinations according to

1. Las Vegas
2. South Padre Island, Tex.
3. Daytona Beach, Fla.
4. Myrtle Beach, S.C.
5. Orlando, Fla.
6. Lake Havasu, Ariz.
7. Miami, Fla.
8. Panama City Beach, Fla.
9. Key West, Fla.
10. Fort Myers, Fla.
11. Tampa, Fla.
12. Virginia Beach, Va.
13. Scottsdale, Ariz.
14. New Orleans
15. San Diego

So go have a fun Spring Break, and make these places regret they exist.

[via USA Today]


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