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Cocaine And Safe Sex Don’t Mix, Says Science

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Your little white nose candy is making you have unprotected sex.

Apparently, when you’re all hopped up on cocaine, laying in bed with this hottie you’ve been chasing around and you’re about to get it in, your horny little heart is moving so fast that you don’t want to put on a condom, according to a study from Johns Hopkins University. You want to bang right then and there. I hope you’re proud of yourselves, you heathens.

From Daily Mail:

Study author Dr Matthew Johnson, from Johns Hopkins University, said: ‘Our study affirms and may help explain why people who regularly use cocaine are more willing to partake in risky sex.

‘The bottom line is that cocaine appears to increase sexual desire… They become more impatient when it comes to waiting for sex. […]

In the study, researchers gave a small number of participants either a placebo, a 125mg pill or a 250mg pill of cocaine.

They found that both sexual desire and the drug’s effect rose and peaked around 45 minutes following consumption.

And those who were given the larger dose had an even greater response.

Using a computer, participants were asked to look at 60 photographs of different people and asked to select the ones they would be willing to have casual sex with.

Jesus H. Christ! You see what they had to put these poor test subjects through?! These poor lab rats were forced to take a shit load of cocaine, look at attractive people, and then fuck them. Science these days has absolutely no morals. None at all. Poor people. Their lives will never be the same.

How do you get signed up for studies like this? I can’t imagine it’s tough to find students on any college campus in America that’d be willing to participate in the cocaine and sex experiment. And, I’m assuming, you get paid.

They should make these studies extremely public, pointing out the boners that got the placebo and no sex, the placebo but still pulled, cocaine and no sex, and cocaine users with dicks so exhausted you’d call them Sleeping Beauty.

The study was actually out to prove something about STI rates being higher in cocaine users or something like that. Meh. Doesn’t matter. Had sex. Nailed it.

[via Daily Mail]

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El Taco

Either a war hero or war criminal depending on how you look at it

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