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Cocaine And Heroin Allowed At World Cup With Proper “Medical” Paperwork

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The World Cup looks like a party I want to be a part of. I get some rave vibes mixed with Mardi Gras, and a little post-Super Bowl riot sprinkled in to make for one hell of time. This year, Russia went the extra mile to make sure the World Cup is like no other.

From The Moscow Times:

Football fans will reportedly be allowed to bring cocaine and marijuana to the 2018 FIFA World Cup as long as they go through the bureaucratic hoops necessary to secure papers.

The Russia-led Eurasian Economic Union grants travelers the right to bring banned substances into the country with supporting medical documents written in the Russian language. According to the regulations, the list of drugs allowed into the Russian-led bloc includes cocaine, cannabis, and heroin.

Ah yes, good old medical cocaine. Because nothing says suspicious like a handwritten medical note for heroin written in Russian. Love this wild west mentality. How does one go about getting a prescription for booger sugar?

“Okay, you have the flu. I’m going to prescribe you cocaine?”

“Um, what?”

“Yes, do three to four lines of blow a day until symptoms disappear.”

“Wait, seriously?”

“Don’t worry. That’ll clear the sinuses right up.”

“Are you sure?”

“If that doesn’t work I’ll put you on a medical dosage of heroin instead.”

“Where the actual fuck did you even get a medical degree?”

I can imagine soccer being much more enjoyable while I’m melting into my seat chasing the dragon. Could get much dicier for a few countrymen whose nation goes down a few goals in an elimination game, though.

[via Moscow Times]

Image via Shutterstock

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Previously known for being the 4th best improv comedian in the state of New Jersey, he enjoyed a brief career in politics by serving on his fraternity's eboard until a scandal not as bad as the Lewinsky scandal, but more memorable than Whitewater lead to his resignation. Now, he spends his time making God awful jokes in chapter meetings, rooting for a shitty New Jersey hockey team, and serving on the congressional committee set to determine whether Oprah Winfrey should be classified as a cult or a religion.

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