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If you thought Monica Lewinsky jokes were just about played out, then you probably aren’t ready for what happened a couple days ago. The Clinton Presidential Library released more than 200 documents last week relating to the Lewinsky scandal. There are all sorts of fun tidbits, like staffers desperately trying to find out who among them called Monica a “stalker” to the media, and Keith Olbermann personally apologizing for helping cover the story, saying, “I’m back to my previous career in sports as quickly as possible.”
But by far, the most interesting piece of information was not in what was released, but what was held back. Two emails that were not a part of the shared documents contain the subject line “Monica drinking game.”
And nothing else.
Now if that’s not a cock tease, I don’t know what is. I mean, you can’t just tell us that White House staffers were so entrenched in the scandal that they made up an entire drinking game related to the woman who had given Slick Willy a kickass hummer on the sly and then not even share how it was played. So, in lieu of that knowledge, I’ve decided to speculate what the rules of that game were, using no sources or inside knowledge whatsoever.
Take A Drink If:
Bill walks out of his office, looks at everyone, then walks back in, saying nothing.
Anyone mentions that bitch, Linda Tripp, who totally cockblocked him.
An anchor refers to the “blue dress.”
Every time the phrase “that woman” appears in a press release.
Take A Shot If:
Kenneth Starr holds yet another press conference.
A morning radio host calls Monica Lewinsky fat.
Someone comes up with a new name for the scandal with “-gate” at the end.
A person you know for a fact is cheating on his wife condemns the president.
Shotgun A Beer If:
An argument about the definition of sexual relations lasts longer than 10 minutes.
“Saturday Night Live” mentions the scandal in a sketch.
The story is still the leadoff story for the nightly news.
Finish All The Booze In The White House If:
Clinton actually gets impeached for this shit (oops)..
[via Wall Street Journal]
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