VIDEO: Clemson Student Tries To End Fight In Most Alpha Way Possible, Things Don’t Go As Planned

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For reasons unknown, drunkenness oftentimes leads to fighting. I’m not sure whether the alcohol triggers some sort of primal urge to dominate members of our fellow species, or if it just makes us horny and, after striking out, rubbing our sweaty bodies against members of the same sex is the closest we know we can come to getting some external friction on our dong. It’s probably a little of both, if not solely the latter.

But those who know they’re gonna get laid at the end of the night? They are of clear minds, and can see that the barbaric action of engaging in fisticuffs does more harm than good for all parties involved. And when they come across a bunch of sexless dorkfiends throwing hands, they take it upon themselves to be the voice of reason and quell the brawl. That’s what this Clemson student did, and you can’t help but respect him for it.

Let’s break it down.

Big fight goin’ on here, looks like there are at least seven people tied up in the skirmish. It’s hard to tell exactly who’s fighting who here, but the dude in white is clearly doing the most damage. One certified sex haver who happened to be passing by saw that, and went in for the kill.

My assumption here is that our hero, who was on his way to a 5 girls, 1 guy orgy, had just gotten done crushing some Mario Party with his boys back at the house and was really feeling the ol’ ground pound technique. “It does a mighty fine job crushing Goombas,” he thought. “Time to try it out on some goobers.”

By far and away the best part of this video is the fact that this people’s champion is double fisting beers throughout the entire ordeal. Even after he ground pounds his foe and hits the deck, and it is almost physically impossible for him to be able to get up and defend himself against the impending retaliation without dropping his beers, he decides to hold onto them and take the beating like some sort of beautiful man/turtle hybrid. A legendary TFM.

Somebody needs to get this dude a (third) beer.

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Jared Borislow

Jared Borislow (né The DeVry Guy) is a Senior Writer for Grandex Inc and a 2015 graduate of the University of Wisconsin.

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