These pictures are from “Classic Frat Bros” which is a collection of unusually interesting composite photos. These are some of my personal favorites, with descriptions of what I assume these individuals are probably like.
Pork sword is the illegitimate child of an American fencing champion and an Irish female butcher. He only knows how to do two things: show extreme school pride by doubling up with a Colgate hoodie/hat combo, and feed his pork sword to vegetarian sorostitutes.
Legend says that on the night he was initiated Michael Werthman became inflicted with a horrible curse. After a long night of celebrating his status as an initiated brother, he took down a solid 6. When he woke up the next morning the girl was gone. She was never seen doing the walk of shame. She was never seen again. The next four girls Michael took to Pound Town all mysteriously disappeared, never to return. It has been years since anyone has called him by his real name. Now he is known only as Death Werthman, even to blood relatives.
It is common for fraternity men to identify with the film “Animal House” and enjoy the hits that Otis Day and the Knights perform in the movie, such as “Shout” and “Shamalama Ding Dong.” Upon hearing “Shamalama Ding Dong” in the middle of a serious blow bender, the man known as Shama Lama developed an acute case of CIOCD (cocaine-induced obsessive compulsive disorder). Now it is the only song he will listen to. The original version of the song and 24 remixes made by Shama Lama himself occupy all 25 spots on his iTunes Top 25 Most Played. At parties he walks around with headphones on, enjoying his fixation on repeat and refusing to listen to anything else. Sixteen different therapists have attempted to treat Shama Lama’s situation to no avail.
Sugar Bear began balding at the age of six. He is one of the founders of Bosley Hair Restoration, and wears prescription specs styled in the early 1990s because he has always identified with men much older than him. At chapter meetings he is regularly mistaken for the alumni advisor, and when he approaches girls during house parties they say, “Ew who let their dad in?” As a result of social embarassment he developed a nose candy addiction, hence the name Sugar Bear.
Dino Spankowski grew a mullet for a white trash theme party during his second semester of college. He became entranced by the stringy strands of hair tickling the back of his neck, and has maintained the poverty stricken image ever since. During sex he frequently requests that girls “tug the party in the back” and call him “trailer trash.” It gets him off.