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Chipper Jones Gets Engaged To Playmate Girlfriend

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This past weekend, former Atlanta Braves third baseman and frattest baseball player in history Chipper Jones proposed to his girlfriend, Taylor Higgins. Higgins used to cheer for the University of Kentucky and is now a Playboy model, who is better known as Lexi Ray or Lexi Ray Taylor in her shoots. Google away, pervs. Jones, it appears, will keep on living a life filled with millions of dollars, adulation, beautiful women (or now just one woman), limitless hunting, Freddie Freeman hugs, and God knows what other glorious things. As if it wasn’t already clear, Jones is far and away the most successful man in history to ever knock up a Hooter’s waitress–unless, I don’t know, Bill Clinton has a secret family we don’t know about. Otherwise, what would second place even be? An overweight, affluent used car and boat dealer? The CEO of Hooter’s?

Higgins announced the engagement on Instagram.

Chipper proposed on Higgins’ birthday, April 24, which also happens to be his birthday. Clearly it was meant to be, between that and the whole “third time’s a charm” thing with Chipper, as this will be his third marriage.

The ring, it would seem, is not too shabby, either. Not bad taste for a guy who owns more camo than the National Guard.

So congratulations, Chipper Jones, on your fantastic life getting fantastic-er. Enjoy your hot SEC cheerleader turned Playboy model wife, you lucky bastard.

Just for good measure, here is Higgins in her cheerleading days.

Now the only question is, what will the couple name their first child? Considering Jones no longer plays baseball and thus does not have any more vanquished rivals to shame by naming his children after them (his son Shea is named after the former Mets stadium he dominated in) maybe Jones will instead use his next child’s name to shame his newest foe: deer. Look out for either Buck or Forrest Jones in the next two years.

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